10 Tips for Making Mommy Friends
1. Listen. Everyone thinks their child is the most wonderful person on earth. Let the other mom tell her stories about her baby and don’t jump in to one-up her story with your own. Just listen to her and be sympathetic. To be a good friend is to be a good listener.
2. Offer to help. Hold the door open while the other mom maneuvers her stroller through the door, offer to carry something. Everyone is just trying to make it through the day and receiving just a bit of help is wonderful.
3. Pay her a compliment. Notice something nice about her baby or about herself. New motherhood is a challenge and new mothers often have a hard time feeling good about the way they look or what they are doing. A compliment will help her feel positive and less vulnerable. A compliment will help you both feel more at ease. It will also help you focus on the positive in her and her situation. Looking for something to compliment will help you really see her. Having a baby can make it difficult for a new mom to see anything or anyone but her own situation. A compliment will help you both find common ground and will generate good will between you.
4. Don’t reveal too much. Try to avoid launching into a diatribe about the color of your child’s poop or how much your mother-in-law is interfering in your life. It’s ok to tell her things about your life and what you are experiencing, but keep it light when you first meet her. Too much is too scary when you are meeting anyone in a new situation.
5. Don’t judge. While you may want to talk about something other than reflux, don’t judge her if she can only talk about baby stuff. Most nervous new moms lapse into baby topics because everyone they meet can relate to baby topics whereas revealing something real about herself makes her feel vulnerable. Give her time to relax. Once she feels comfortable with you, she will tell you something real about herself and her circumstances.
6. Notice her baby. Remember her baby’s name and something unique about him or her. This will help you talk to her later. Every mother thinks her baby is unique and wonderful. Keep that in mind.
7. Ask for her phone number or email address. It doesn’t do you any good to meet a great, new mom at the library if you never see her again or start stalking the library, hoping to run into her again. Ask her if she wants to meet at the park sometime or for coffee. Offer to give her your number or email and ask if you can have hers. If she is a new mom out in the world, chance are that she will jump at the chance.
8. Ask her for help or tell her a funny story. Ask for her advice about something in your new life. Every mom deals with the same issues: getting the baby to sleep at night, breastfeeding, diaper rash, baby equipment. Or you can tell her a funny story about your life. New motherhood is rife with funny situations and crazy stories. If you can laugh together, it will make you both feel comfortable.
9. Be sensitive. Be alert to changes in her baby. Is her baby getting fussy while you chat? Is she looking at her watch? Is it near lunchtime? Is her cellphone ringing? Exchange numbers and let her get going. Outings with baby are often short-lived so don’t try to keep her when you notice things going downhill for her.
10. Follow-up with her. Contact her within a few days so she will still remember meeting you. It may feel impossible to meet other moms but when you take the time to look around, you see them everywhere. They all want to meet other moms too. Just extend a hand and your number and in no time, you will have a full schedule of playdates with like-minded moms in your area. More importantly, you will be on the way to building new and lasting friendships with people who can sympathize with your situation, laugh with you, and help you get through the issues of parenting.
