8 Simple Steps for Finding Mr. Right

Now and then, I see Sylvia Browne on the Montel Williams Show giving her psychically-inspired advice to desperate people. The most asked question is this: When will I meet a man? (or some variation of that question). It amazes me that so many women are so caught up in finding that perfect man, but since it seems to be on so many women’s minds, I’m going to tell you how to find him with some simple guidelines.

1) Stop looking. Men seem to sense the desperation of a woman that is actively “on the hunt” for a man. This only fuels the fear of committment many people experience with the divorce rate skyrocketing.

2) List the qualities you want in a mate, and then work on becoming all those things yourself. If you want a partner that is physically fit, are you? If not, get off the couch and hit the treadmill. Want a partner with a sense of humor? Develop yours. Want someone honest? Hardworking? You get the idea. Chances are the “want list” you are working for is going to be very similar to the man’s you want to attract.This is also a very good way to discover your list is unrealistic.

3) Get a life. No one wants a partner who’s only interest in life is finding a relationship. You won’t have anything to bring to that relationship if that is your only goal. What interests you? Do you like reading? Join a book club. Did you love tennis in college? Take it up again and join other players. Find those things that interest you, anything from bird watching to charity work and get out there and get involved! You won’t ever find Mr. Right if you expect him to just show up in your living room. You have to be out there living life. And the best part of this bit of advice is, if you are pursuing things that you enjoy, you are likely to meet people who also enjoy the same things!

4.) Make a friend. When you do meet someone you are interested in, pursue it strictly as a friendship. Would you want to be friends with this person? What qualities do they have that you like? How do you feel around this person? Are they easy to talk with? Do you have things in common? If you can’t connect on a friendship level, you won’t ever sustain a romantic relationship. When you become friends and really get to know each other, then you can take it to the next level. Too many women and men get into relationships based on the physical side, sex or appearance, and don’t take the time to really get to know the other person. Spend time together, go sightseeing, see movies, spend time with mutual friends. In other words, make some memories together and see how well that works before trying to make it something more.

5.) Sleep alone. A truly worthwhile sexual relationship with someone you really care about and who truly cares about you is worth waiting for. Don’t rush things. If you don’t know the other person well enough to say with certainty that they will be there for you in good times or bad, and can be trusted with your feelings, then why would you want to risk physical intimacy? Honor and respect yourself enough to not give that part of yourself to someone who just doesn’t deserve you. And give him time to get to know you.

6.) Realize not all relationships lead to marriage. I’d rather be involved with a friend I could count on to be there for me than in a romantic relationship with someone I don’t trust. So if you don’t find romance right away, you can be happy with other people who love you. Isn’t being loved and appreciated what you really want anyway?

7.) Be yourself. Don’t change your opinions to suit someone else. If you hate sushi, say so. You want to be in a relationship with someone who knows you and still loves you, not with someone who only loves you because of the person you are pretending to be. Be real. Most people say they look for someone who is real, who makes mistakes and has faults like the rest of us. Don’t try to be perfect. So if he sees you without makeup and doesn’t call, he’s not the guy you want anyway. Be true to who you are inside and what is important to you.

8.) Don’t overlook a good guy just because he’s not Mel Gibson. There are many wonderful men out there who can love you and care for you and treat you well who may not be wrapped in the high end department store paper. What about the guy from your office that everyone thinks is so nice but you think of more as a brother? My advice here is you can’t always judge a book by it’s cover. You can find a real gem if you stop overlooking them.

People tend to get involved too quickly with the wrong person and then wonder why things didn’t work out. By following these eight simple steps, you can find someone who appreciates your authentic self, shares your heart, and loves you for you. Don’t settle for any less than that.