An Ode to Jerry Lynn: Forever My Brother

I remember that day like it was yesterday.
The day the angels swooped down and took you away.

This is an ode to you.
My guardian angel: my friend; my brother, Jerry Lynn.

I was but a young girl, just barely seven years old.
Mom and dad took my hand, both standing so strong and bold.

“You’re going to be a big sister,” Mom had said with tears in her eyes.
I didn’t know what to say; then Mom started to cry.

But these weren’t tears of sadness, no.
They were tears of happiness, love and devotion.

We all shopped for clothes, toys and all the items a baby would need.
I felt for sure that out hearts would not have to bleed.

As I watched our Mother’s tummy grow little by little;
I couldn’t help but wish just a little.

That you would be a baby girl;
Just as beautiful as a pearl.

Then came the day that is still stuck in my head
Even after twenty-two years.

It was the day the angels swooped down and took you away
Let’s see if I can recall it, and remember how to pray.

I was at a t-ball game,
Trying to find some kind of fortune and fame.

We won the game, by a run or two
I walked to Debbie’s house, feeling happy, and not at all blue.

Charlie and Katie were acting very funny
Rubbing their tummies as if they were hungry.

Then Debbie took my hand and told me we had to talk
But first we both needed to go for a walk.

Well, not as far as you may think, just across the street
To Grandma’s house where we all could meet.

Debbie told me as we walked,
That Mom had called and we all needed to talk.

I never knew what was coming
It was something I had expected least.

Debbie and I finally got to the door
It felt like it had taken hours or maybe even more.

Our Grandma had tears in her eyes
As if she had done nothing but cry.

Then I heard something that still haunts me to this day
It was the sound of our mother crying; so close, yet so far away.

She was in the bathroom, with tears streaming down her face,
Pain and agony showing with every single tear.

The only words she could manage to say were these,
“Amy, I’m sorry. You aren’t going to be a big sister, Please, Please.”

Now being only seven years old,
I felt so alone, not at all bold.

Once my Mom could talk without cries and screams
She sat me down and said to me.

She had a miscarriage; a word I never knew existed.
I felt my heart sink into my stomach.

But then Mom told me the most beautiful thing
She got to name you before the angels took you away to heaven.

She and Dad gave you the name Jerry Lynn,
As a connection to me, to be your best friend.

Lynn is my middle name as well
Each time I hear it, the better I feel.

I know I never got to see you,
Or even hold your hand,
I never got to talk to you,
Or even devise a sneaky plan.

To be your big sister,
I would have given my life
To hug you or to kiss you
I would have helped you through all the strife.

It seems that God had a different plan for you.
A plan we had no idea about that day.
He needed another angel to help to light the way.

You look down on me still today.

Down from the heavens,
Down from the sky,
Down from the clouds,
Down from the sun.

I can’t wait to see you, when the angels take me home.
Only then will my heart be at ease.

I sometimes wonder who you look like more,
And what color your eyes are.
Do you know you have a little brother?
By the way, you are an uncle now too!

Would you have been an athlete like your brother?
Perhaps an artist like me?
A mechanic like Dad?
A teacher like Mom?

I gladly welcome the day I get to wrap my arms around you.
And feel your heart beat next to mine.
But in my dreams you will always be

My guardian angel; my friend; my brother Jerry Lynn