Another Kind of Job Candidate – Finding Your Mr. Right
So, what is the difference between an eligible and ineligible bachelor? It depends on your personal compatibility prerequisites (PCP). Just like an open position defines its specifications, every woman should outline her Mr. Right qualifications. The fundamental aspect women miss in quest of Mr. Right is failure to complete the wish-list. Nevertheless, finding Mr. Right necessitates being true to an individual’s PCPs. Even for the woman who has finalized her companion checklist, it entails looking for the correct candidate to fulfill the job.
Not all job listings are concise descriptions. Very few want ads read: “Looking for highly confrontational employee to disrupt the operations of our office.” In the sphere of looking for Mr. Right, many women apply the same absurd logic to looking for suitable partners.
In a recent, round-table discussion about turn-ons and turn offs, a few women shared their male counterpart top priorities. Attractive with history of family turmoil, Mari (26) is turned off by passive men. Accustomed to conflict, she is attracted to men who represent drama. Cary, (37) an accountant, requires exorbitant public displays of affection accompanied with text messages and daily calls about nothing. New Business Consultant, Kendall (28) loves men with a six pack.
When the women of the forum were asked about the patterns of their relationships, the cause and effect was closely associated to their choices or specifications. Since, Mari is nourished by drama, her relationships result in tumultuous chaos. While, Cary is stuck in the fantasy of what an emotionally committed relationship is (PDA, text messages and calls)-she tends to date several agile thumbed MIA (missing in action) gents. Her prerequisites make for a multitude of short-term trysts. Obviously, Kendall’s need for beefcake serves as series of superficial romps.
What are your personal compatibility prerequisites?
Charting Your Dating Past
Before one can define what is important in a long-term relationship, it is important to review your past history. On a sheet of paper create a list of your most heartfelt relationships. Use the following headings:
Name
Attraction
Irreconcilable traits
In the field of attraction, detail reasons you were attracted, in the irreconcilable traits field – enter negative aspects of the relationship (dishonesty, infidelity, inattentive, unreliable, etc.) Don’t forget to include other patterns such as alcoholism, gambling addiction or even manic depression. Continue completing the list with each significant lover interest, until the list is completed.
After you have charted all previous relationships look for overwhelming patterns in the attraction and irreconcilable traits. The exercise is designed to help identify poor relationship choices. For instance, a pattern of dating Harley riding cheaters portrays the propensity for dating the “bad boy.” Conversely, if your pattern portrays a wide spectrum of attractions and a tendency of dating philanderers, it may demonstrate that you are missing the warning signs of futile male candidates. (Learn more about gaining closure on previous relationships in Dating For I Do, at http://www.datingforIdo.com).
Define What Is Important
After you rule out the types of dating scenarios you hope to avoid and what is unacceptable behavior, it makes it that much easier to define what is important. The primary reason 50 percent of all marriages do not thrive until death – is because people fail to delineate what is relevant.
For example, if you are a spend thrift and you become involved with a frivolous spender, it will be hard for the relationship to endure the long haul. A similar tenet applies to an ethical person who becomes involved with a dishonest individual. A quick way to evaluate compatibility with Mr. Right is to discover how he:
Treats his associates and friends
Interacts and cares for family members
Deals with work situations – that depict his work ethic
All of the above situations demonstrate an individual’s character and whether or not they are in accordance with your belief system.
Relationship assignment: Create a concise list of relationship must-haves or personal compatibility prerequisites (PCPs)
Example PCP List:
Honesty
Attentive
Health conscious
Hard-worker/ambitious
Professional/blue collar
Fun-loving/adventurism
Demure Ethics/Christian
Visualize Mr. Right’s Positive Qualities
The greatest barrier single’s employ in the pursuit of ‘the one’ is the image myth. Creating a physical image of the idyllic person blocks the ability to become involved with the right people. Instead of thinking about lucid blue eyes or six-pack abdominals, envision an attentive suitor with an honest demeanor. By focusing on the positive attributes, it will enhance your ability to attract your fantasy relationship.
Relationship assignment: Visualize your dream mate. The visualization should include relationship situations where Mr. Right treats you with respect. Use your list of PCPs to replace any negative experiences of the past with the way you would like your Mr. Wonderful to treat you. Remember not to put a physical image on your ideal partner.
Place the Dating Campaign in Overdrive
In order for your visualization to come to fruition, you must meet people. In other words, place yourself in situations where you can mingle with other singles. Without sounding clichÃ?©, dating is a number’s game. The more you date the better chance you have to meet the right one. Each encounter brings you that much closer to finding the one.
An active dating campaign entails recruiting new interests – each week. Set a realistic number of people you would like to date. For example, if you can comfortably juggle 7 contenders than you need to recruit a minimum of 2 people a week to achieve your target. Dating several people is important because it helps you remain true to your PCP list. More importantly, it will allow you to remain impartial in determining which of your potential Mr. Rights are authentically eligible for you.
Relationship assignment: Set a dating campaign objective – how many people you can date at one time. Given your current professional work schedule, be realistic in the number of dates you can handle.
Manage Your Time
As with any new job placement, there is a probation period. During the trial span, the employer evaluates the employee for punctuality, responsibility, leadership, taking initiative and other redeeming talents. Just as the decision maker of the job does not have the time to invest in an unqualified applicant, the same is true of the ineligible Mr. Right.
For the women serious and fastidious about finding Mr. Right, it’s all about time-management. In other words, there’s no time to waste with any applicant who demonstrates the probability of a go nowhere relationship. Use the following checklist to identify the warning signs of a time waster.
13-Treacherous Go Nowhere Relationship Signs
1. Never calls when promised. (Unreliable)
2. Makes dates and then calls to see what “your plans” are for the evening. (Non-committal)
3. Pays very little attention to you answers cell phone and ignoring you.
4. Rarely, tries to make a week-end plan. (Anti-commitment)
5. Only, invites you over to ‘watch TV’. (Failure to demonstrate effort or true interest)
6. Secretive or does not care to share details of his life. (Emotionally unavailable)
7. Demonstrates an inability to make date plans in advance (Inconsiderate)
8. Inconsistent stories (Dishonest and unreliable)
9. Any kind of excessive indulgences (alcoholism, substance abuse, gambling, and pornography) may be a sign of a person unable to love. (Emotionally unavailable)
10. Makes plans by way of meeting at a bar or club. (Failure to demonstrate effort or true interest)
11. Talks about all exes in a negative way. (Victim who will never take responsibility for his inadequacies).
12. Obsessed with beauty and appearances. (Superficial person who may never be satisfied by anyone).
13. Any kind of disrespectful behavior. (Uncaring, unconscious)
Finding the appropriate job candidate, Mr. Right involves defining your list. Keep the search for the suitable nominee objective by taking many applications and dating several. Then weed out the undesirables. It will narrow the gap of finding the one. More importantly, it may thwart the pandemonium of another go nowhere relationship. Learn more about go nowhere relationships, visit http://datingforIdo.com or visit the blog at http://lulu.com/datingforIdo.
