How to Talk to Your Child About HIV/Aids
Studies show that 93% of children that reach the third grade have already heard of HIV. At this stage in the game it is appropriate to share how the disease is transmitted, and to stay away from others blood. It is especially important to mention as children form bonds and want to perform the “blood brother’s or sister’s” ritual of pricking their hands allowing blood to trickle and rubbing palms together. This ritual can share blood from person to person and could very well spread HIV.
Having materials available on the subject is a great way to start conversation. Discuss what information they are familiar with and go from there. Starting conversations early will allow you both more comfort and time to prepare for future conversations that get more in depth.
Obtaining Information
Discomfort in bringing up new information is normal, as well as feeling un-equipped. Having questions asked of you that you do not have the answer to can often be intimidating, however finding answers to your questions together is a great solution to this discomfort. Or, if you feel better about gaining more information before discussion, the information included will lead you to some excellent sources.
A great informational site to ready yourself for a conversation with your youthful mind is through the Center for Disease Control. They keep all information as current as possible. They have brochures on the HIV/AIDS prevention that they will mail to you as well as videotapes and other resources. Having this information on hand will better prepare you for the journey you will take with your child, and you can always leave the materials behind for a reminder of your values to your adolescent.
Depending on the age of your child, you could suggest time for the two of you to sit down, write down questions you have about the topic up-front and research together. The library has several informational sources to assist you in your findings, as well as Internet access, where information is always available. Better yet, find a non-profit organization near your home and get involved. You will be able to obtain information, volunteer, and see that people living with HIV/AIDS cannot always be pinpointed.
If you feel comfortable you can even visit a hospice that cares for patients to allow your child to see what form the disease takes in the end. It is important to share how different and deadly this disease can be, sharing this information with them firsthand will give them a visual to what could lie ahead if they choose an unhealthy path for themselves. Don’t be afraid to discuss death with them; that is the ultimate result of AIDS.
HIV TRANSMISSION
HIV is transmitted through four different fluids: blood, semen, vaginal secretions, and mother’s milk. It is important to note that these are the only fluids that can transmit HIV. Actions that allow contact with these fluids should be carefully monitored.
A popular myth is that a mosquito can share blood with different individuals therefore passing blood from one person to the other, possibly infecting them with HIV. This is incorrect. A mosquito cannot discrete blood from its body once it is already been ingested.
Another popular myth is that saliva or other bodily fluids can transmit the disease. This is also false. In the case of kissing, three quarts must be shared to encounter one infected T-4 cell. The likelihood that this one cell is infected is very small, and there are enzymes in our mouth that keep infections from entering. If one infected bacteria cell could offer infection so easily, we would always be sick, just from consuming food products. In the case of urine, ninety-four gallons of urine would need to be ingested to get that one infected T-4 cell. Not only would it need to be ingested at the same time, but it would need to be contained and not be allowed to touch air. Sweat is another byproduct of the body, but we do not release T-4 cells in our sweat, so that rules out any chance of infection.
So, how is this disease contracted? Through intercourse, other sexual activities, the sharing of blood through needles, birth of a child, and feeding a newborn infected breast-milk.
The Difference Between HIV/AIDS
HIV and AIDS are quite different. HIV is a virus, while AIDS is a syndrome. HIV causes AIDS, while this syndrome causes death. A person can be infected with HIV on average ten to twelve years before falling to AIDS. A person is considered having AIDS, when the T4 cell count in a ml of blood is 200 or below (the normal amount of T4 cells is between 5,000-10,000). AIDS is also diagnosed when the person has contracted two or more “opportunistic infections”. These infections would be considered rare in healthy persons. They include but are not limited to Tuberculosis, Pneumocystis Carinii Pneumonia, Toxoplasmosis, and Wasting Syndrome. Tuberculosis infects a person’s lungs, and is spread through coughing and sneezing, releasing droplets of blood. Pneumocystis Carinii Pnemonia (PCP) is an infection of the lungs, and most common of the AIDS associated diseases. Toxoplasmosis is an infection that attacks the brain and central nervous system. Wasting syndrome is a disease whereby 10% or more total body weight is lost in a short time-span. Once these opportunistic infections have entered the body, the immune system is so suppressed, it cannot combat these diseases. At this point in the HIV/AIDS cycle, the person may live for weeks to years depending upon how well they can try to fight, and what medications they are taking to suppress the virus.
As stated, these are only some of the opportunistic infections, however a person with AIDS is not limited to dying of these. A person with AIDS can die of a common virus such as the flu or cold because their immune system is suppressed so greatly. Also, every person’s body is different. If a previously healthy sixty-year-old man contracts HIV and a previously healthy twenty year old also contracts HIV, there is nothing to say that the sixty-year-old man will die first because of the mere fact that he is older. Their immune systems differ greatly and there are many other factors that may be added to the equation such as previous illnesses, food intake, or medications.
The Function HIV has in the body
HIV stands for Human Immunodeficiency Virus. HIV interferes with the normal processes of the immune system. In a healthy body, the immune system would use its “defense team” to destroy unwanted infections. The defense team consists of macrophages that are the housekeepers of the bloodstream, which digest harmful debris. They then summon and activate T4 helper cells (white blood cells). Next, the T4 helper cells hone in on the foreign invaders, calling additional T cells to aid in the fight. At this stage, the T4 helper cells call upon the B cells to multiply, and to produce antibodies that kill these invaders. These activities continue until the organisms have been eliminated completely from the body. The suppresser T cell stops the activities of the defense team while the memory cell records a recipe. If the organism ever returns, the immune system will be able to ward off the harmful agents before any harmful overtake the body. Because the body forms a recipe, the illness should not harm the body as drastically. This is why we use vaccines. Unfortunately, a vaccine cannot help us when it comes to HIV.
HIV acts in a different way. Once infected with HIV, the body will respond the same as it does with any other virus or invader, but inadvertently starts the destruction of the immune system. The HIV structure includes a special enzyme that allows the cells to transform our T4 cells, killing them. This act is called reverse transcriptase. To explain further: our cells are made up of DNA, HIV is made of RNA. Once the HIV has entered into our cell made of DNA, it transforms its own RNA to DNA allowing the virus to replicate. Once the virus uses the space available in this cell, it bursts spreading the virus further into the body. In the end the T4 helper cell is killed. The process continues depleting the amount of “good” cells we have in our bodies. That is also how AIDS is classified, by having 200 or less T4 helper cells per milliliter of blood. When your “good” cells are being harmed, there are fewer cells available for your body to fight off other harmful infections.
While HIV is invading, replicating, and killing, there are still unaffected defense cells attempting to eradicate HIV. The infected defense cells cannot call for more T4 cells and the T4 cells that are infected cannot then call for more B cells to kill off the virus, and the body slowly deteriorates because the immune system is incapable of warding off not only HIV, but other diseases as well, resulting in a syndrome known as AIDS.
PREVENTIVE MEASURES
HIV has to be acquired. Transmitting HIV can be compared to getting a car. There are different ways to obtain both of them. When looking into getting a car, it can be bought, rented, leased, stolen, or borrowed. HIV can be transmitted through blood, semen, vaginal secretions, or mother’s milk. Acts such as unprotected sex and intravenous drug sharing make a person susceptible to contracting HIV. These acts can be limited or stopped completely with self-control.
When referring to sexual activity, whether it be anal, oral, or vaginal sex, the ABC’s of prevention will be beneficial. During these activities a great amount of blood, semen, and vaginal secretions are shared. These fluids carry T4 cells. The normal amounts of these cells in semen/vaginal fluids is 3-5,000 per ml, a fairly large amount. When these T4 cells are infected, the HIV-negative person is at a great risk.
The ABC’s of prevention are A- for Abstinence. Abstinence is not having any form of sex. This is the only 100% way of not contracting HIV sexually. B-for be with one partner. Staying in a monogamous relationship with only one person. The idea here is to share that you wait to become intimate until you are married or settled and stay with this person for the rest of your life, reducing the risk of spreading HIV. To fully reduce the risk, both partners must have refrained. C- is for latex condoms.
Only latex or polyurethane condoms can be used, because they are the most effective. Lambskin condoms are the alternative, and they are very porous. The pores of a lambskin condom are over 1,000 times the size of HIV, and therefore ineffective against preventing the transmission of the disease.
Condoms
Condoms are 98% effective if used correctly. The problem is many people do not know what correctly is. There are condoms on the market for men and women. The condoms for men are seen more often because they are about $0.25 when a female condom is about $2.50. Below is an explanation for both, the male and female condom, on how to use them correctly to fulfill their full potential as contraceptives.
MALE: Discuss contraception issues. Before sexual intercourse check expiration date and if the package is air tight. (If the package isn’t air tight, it has been opened previously or damaged in some form and needs to be disguarded.) Open the package, using your fingers. Make sure not to use your teeth as this could place a hole in the condom. As soon as erection occurs place a small amount of spermicidal lube in the tip. Pinch the tip. Make sure the condom is right side out. Roll the condom down to the base. Right after ejaculation hold on to the base of the condom and withdraw. Dispose of the condom in the trash.
FEMALE: Discuss contraception issues. Before sexual intercourse check expiration date and if the package is airtight. Open the package, using your fingers, make sure not to use your teeth as this could place a hole in the condom. As soon as erection occurs hold the inner ring with middle finger and thumb. Insert as far into the vaginal canal as possible. Insert between pubic bone. Lay outer ring over outer area exposed. Intercourse. Twist outer ring, dispose of properly.
The discussion about the proper use of a condom can be an activity that is utilized in a group environment or in a more focused environment involving parent and child. The important message here is while abstinence is the method of choice by parent, and should be by the adolescent, alternatives need to be made available if the situation does occur. Think of it this way. Your child isn’t going to call you before their first intimate act and ask you how to properly use a condom. Make them aware in a comfortable environment. It may seem awkward, but in the end will offer a safer outcome.
To use this as an activity, take out large pieces of paper and write down on each the directions for how to use each type of condom correctly. Then it must be put in the correct order. You can keep trying until it is put together correctly and explain why different actions come before others. In a larger group setting it can be made more fun by placing string or tape on the floor and having those standing only allowed to step on the tape. This takes some of the edge off of the topic that is often difficult to talk to others about. It often ends in a few laughs as people try their best not to fall off of the tape or lose their balance.
Drug Use
When discussing issues of drug use as it pertains to HIV/AIDS, the acronym DRUGS will prove helpful.
D-for do not use drugs;
R-for refrain from sharing needles;
U – use bleach to clean needles
G-for get water if bleach is not available; and
S-set goals to prevent HIV infection.
HIV is spreading so quickly because people do not know how to prevent themselves. Teenagers are among the highest risk groups stemming from lack of education. The AIDS epidemic exists and will obviously continue to exist because it is not known how to rid of it. The least we can do is try to protect ourselves.
Making the Right Choice
Prevention is a very powerful choice. That is where we as parents can assist our youthful minds. Think back to situations where you were growing up and faced with a difficult decision. Did your parents speak to you about the nature of the beast, or did you hear from others? If they did speak with you did you hear their voices echoing in your brain as you made your final decision?
Peer-pressure is very strong among youth, often leading them to make uninformed choices. If parents get to their children first, keeping communication open and offering choices to make important decisions, our youth will be better prepared to make the right decision. Studies show from information collected from high schools across the nation that on average by the time a high school student graduates, they have had four or more sexual partners.
It is important to not skimp around what you are not comfortable talking about. Again, your adolescent needs to be approached with the whole picture to ensure they can make well-informed decisions. In the years I have educated youth, I have found many to believe that oral or anal sex was not something to be concerned about. Thoughts were shared that this form of “sex” couldn’t spread disease. Once the facts listed above were presented to them, their opinions changed. The idea isn’t to scare, but to make aware of how unsafe choices can be. And of course, to ensure behaviors were safe from then on out.
It is okay to stress your beliefs on your child. In most cases abstinence, and that is of course justified in that it is the only 100% way to not allow HIV to infect your body through intercourse. That is always the foundation of sex education.
Alternative ways to show someone you love them
“If you loved me, you would have sex with me.” This statement has been used as a persuasion tactic in movies, television, and in real life. The results of this statement vary among individuals. People that will not fall to persuasion turn away, while those that fall might ultimately make a decision they regret.
As parents we are sharing with adolescents that abstinence is the only 100% way to keep pregnancy and infections away, but helping them with the pressures that follow after discussing with them about the topic might be even more important.
Giving your teen the opportunity to list activities they can participate with someone they care about is an option. You can write a list together, sharing with them safe activities that you participated in growing up. The list once complete will offer an association that listed activities are safe. The experience of sharing this time with you will probably spark in their memory as well.
Some activities that I have seen that let people show affection without having intercourse include: taking a walk together, holding hands, snuggling, watching a movie, talking to each other, going out for a meal or coffee, lying in the grass watching the stars, playing a one-on-one sport together, reading a story together, telling jokes, preparing a meal together, making a scrapbook of special times, just being silly, discussing important issues so when they do come up you can make a choice together, going to the park, playing a board game, or other activities that you already enjoy together.
The list of course goes on to include as many activities as the mind can ponder. The idea is to share intimate moments without getting caught up in an uncomfortable situation. Making a list and keeping it nearby is always a great way to get involved in activities with someone that you care about that you might not have considered previously.
PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND CONTINUED SUPPORT
Once you have researched your material, the question of how often to broach the subject follows. The good thing is that at this point you are more comfortable with the information at hand to bring it up more often. It is actually good to wait to give your teen a chance to introduce the topic back into conversation. The best way to do this is to keep an open communication for your child to do so. Possibly have planned activities where you can discuss matters of importance alone. It is hard when you are trying to discuss a topic with your older children and in pops a younger sibling who really doesn’t need to hear a detailed or mature discussion. Taking private time together allows for your teenager to approach you more easily.
If questions don’t arise, you might want decide to approach them again. Possibly obtain a new material source for them to review and share with them. Let them know that you are there for them if they have any questions, which usually invites a few. If they don’t respond to your initial update, it is okay to continue to approach them.
It is often difficult to approach your mother or father about certain issues. Make them aware that they should find someone to speak to about issues that they are comfortable with, whether it is you or not. You should trust them as well. If you are comfortable, make the chosen mentor aware of your values.
Letting your teen know that you are always there for them, puts them at ease. It is easier to have a parent discuss issues of importance with you and know that they are present when you need them, than to not be approached with a topic that is of importance and not really know who you can turn to.
CONCLUSION
Everyone is affected by HIV/AIDS.
“AIDS is everybody’s problem. There is no “us and them” with this disease. It is not a punishment that is severely inflicted on bad people. HIV doesn’t care who you are, how much money you have, what color your skin is, or whether you’re male or female or young or old.”
AIDS has no cure. There are medicines and preventative measures to further ensure healthiness but the choice is inevitably in everyone’s hands. Help those around you make the right choice. Educate them on the risks involved in their actions, and how they can be safest possible.
AIDS has killed many. The sad truth of many deaths are that they could have been prevented. Our lives are in our own hands, not hands of doctors. We need to make choices to the best of our ability. It is important to use the easy preventive measures stated above to keep from contracting HIV and falling to an early grave. This is the only way. Prevent yourself.
Good luck to you in your journey. The world is an ever-changing environment that we must continue to care for, including those that inhabit it.
Resources on the Internet
The CDC currently updates their information, as well as offers resources that are beneficial to have on hand and review.
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/pubs/facts.htm
Medline Plus is a health information library where you can find very specific articles pertaining to questions you might have.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/aids.html
AEGIS, the AIDS Education Global Information System has information pertaining to prevention, and has a listing of HIV/AIDS related events from conventions, to AIDS walks in your area.
http://www.aegis.com/
The U.S. Department of Health has organized this HIV/AIDS Bureau information site where you can obtain their publications on dealing with HIV/AIDS and The Ryan White CARE Act, the main source of funding for educational purposes
http://hab.hrsa.gov/
The World Bank has a conglomeration of facts, as well as a quiz that allows you to test your knowledge on the
http://www.worldbank.org/worldaidsday/quiz.htm
Avert is a research charity that dedicates its website to educating youth. This is a great site to visit with your adolescent to review together.
http://www.avert.org/epidemic.
This is a search website that includes hundreds of links to answer almost any question on the topic of HIV/AIDS.
http://www.hivaidssearch.com/
Talking with Kids offers parents the opportunity to initiate a conversation on HIV/AIDS and gives examples of questions that may arise, as well as what to discuss to their children at what age groups.
http://www.talkingwithkids.org/aids.html
The Red Cross offers classes and materials on their website that you can participate with your child.
http://www.redcross.org/services/hss/hivaids/
Resources in the Library
You and your family will find a world of information, education, and entertainment in your public library. You and your children can travel around the world, have exciting adventures, become princes or paupers, learn history, envision the future, and study any subject-all for free!
Berger, Daniel M.D. “Understanding and Managing Resistance” Positively Aware. Jan./Feb. Ed. 1998: 10
Vazquez “Goodbye, Invirase. Hello, Fortovase.” Positively Aware Jan./Feb. Ed. 1998: 12
Chaisson, Richard E., M.D. “Advances and the Challenges of Adherence” Healthcare Communications Group 1997: 15
Richard DD, Kornbluth RS, Carson DA. “Dideoxynucleosides to inhibit Human Immunodeficiency virus replication in cultured human macrophages.” Positively Aware 1997: 5
Cinatl J Jr, Cinatl J., Rabenau, Doerr, Weber. “Failure of antiretroviral therapy.” Intervirology Vol. 37. 1994: 22-28
“Questions from Vancouver” Mayo Foundation for Education and Research 1994: 14
Reuters. “Aids Vaccinations” Associated Press. Jan. 1998
O’Brien, Stephen J., Dean, Michael. “The Expedition Succeeds” Scientific American 1997: 28-40
James, John. “New Optimism on Controlling HIV Infection.” Aids Treatment News. Issue: 249. 1996: 40
James, John. “AIDS and Alternative Medicine” Aids Treatment News Issue 249. 1996: 5-7
Agosto, Moises. “Protease Inhibitors” Nataional Minority Aids Council Vol. 1. Issue: 2. 1996: 12-15
