Deciding How to Discipline Your Children

I read an advice column recently in which a woman wrote seeking advice on how to handle a debate she was having with her future fiancÃ?©. At present the couple was childless, however they disagreed on the proper way to discipline their future children. The male was pro-spanking, while the female was pro-reasoning. Initially I felt that the matter was a little trivial and wondered why people are so quick to seek third party advice and hold the advice as law. There was an easier solution, a solution that I have seen in many households – let each parent use the method they want, then determine which works best for that child. The advice that this couple was given mirrored the advice that parents had received for several years on the issue of spanking/popping/wacking, etc.

The writer was told to reconsider her relationship, never hit a child, and to encourage her future husband to seek counseling to resolve his anger issues. The person writing this advice was not a psychiatrist, therapist, etc. She was just an ordinary person with an opinion. This led me to wonder, should just anybody be allowed to give advice? The truth is the majority of us are able to handle disputes and determine what the best course we should take in life. However, some need advice, and they take to heart the advice they receive. It angered me that the advice columnist immediately jumped on the “never hit a child bandwagon” without fully weighing the issue. The advisee never once stated that she was leery about marrying her fiancÃ?©e. The advisee also never stated that her fiancÃ?©e had anger problems or came from an abusive background. She simply stated that the two of them were raised different in terms of discipline. The columnist was too busy using this as a time to advocate her personal thoughts, that she was not objective.

In the arena of “to spank or not spank” this is seen quite often. There are always those who say spanking is the best, and those who consider it abusive. What people fail to realize is that both views are wrong. Nobody ever takes into consideration that each child is different; therefore different methods must be used. People are so quick to think that the way they were raised, or the way they raised their own children should be the standard for all. When making the decision on how to discipline it is important to remember that what works for some does not work for all. Some children may need an occasional wack on the behind; with other children it only takes a threat or timeout to get them to behave. I also wish that parents who choose not to spank would mind their own business. If a hand’s off method works for your child, great. The notion that a hand’s off policy works for all children is naÃ?¯ve and ignorant.

I am aware that children are abused everyday. However when a loving, stable parent employs spanking as the consequence for repeatedly bad behavior, this is not abuse. Administered with the proper force, spanking will not cause a child to fear their parent, it will not make a child violent, and it does not teach that problems are solved by hitting. This is not my opinion – it’s a fact. Millions like me can attest to this. We were the ones spanked as children – the true experts. This is not a platform to promote spanking. I am promoting reasonableness and an open mind. Situations are not always black and white. Each parent must make the decision for their child, not be afraid to try different methods, and not judge other parents for the method they use to keep their child in line.