The Top Ten Movies of 2005
10) MILLIONS
I was worried that it would be one of those sickly sweet movie that leave me with the desire to slam my head on the theatre seat in front of me until the visions of the group hug ending are beaten from my brain, but fortunately Danny Boyle (TRAINSPOTTING) is a much better filmmaker than that, and MILLIONS was a pleasant surprise
9) HOSTAGE
Bruce Willis has returns to action star form in this flick, but it’s a grown up action movie with more drama and less humor than you are used to from Willis, but that’s not to say the movie didn’t have it’s faults. Willis had to show up he can cry on cue one too many times, Ben Foster was a little too hammy with his psycho act, and composer Alexandre Desplat’s soundtrack was way too heavy handed and ruined the mood more than once; but other than that and those three annoying white flashes they used for scene transitions: HOSTAGE is a pretty tight little film.
8) OFF THE MAP
This movie is really about the characters, and Joan Allen brings it to the table as Arlene, who like to garden nude. It’s a really small, quite movie. Sam Elliott does some of his best work ever, by doing nothing, and it works.
7) THE UPSIDE OF ANGER
A rare time when you have to rethink an entire movie after it’s done, and not in a cheesy “Sixth Sense” kind of way. Joan Allen, maybe our greatest, or at least busiest actress, owns this movie. Michael Binder claims he wrote it just for her. I hope the four young actresses playing her daughters paid attention, because she’s an acting master class. Even Kevin “Aw shucks, I’ll just act through my droopy eyes” Costner comes alive in this film.
6) UNLEASHED
Jet Li finally gets the kind of movie he deserves, and it only took him 42 years to get there. Imagine, an action film that is intelligent, well acted and still snap you spine violent. It was written by Luc Besson (LEON: THE PROFESSIONAL) so you know they’ll be some light pedophilia hinted at in the movie, but what do you want? The guy is French.
5) WEDDING CRASHERS
The return of the R rated comedy, and it’s about time. Great all the way up until the ending, which, not coincidentally is when Will Ferrell enters the movie. Not a classic, but one of the best comedies of the year.
4) BATMAN BEGINS
There is something sceevey about Katie Holmes having love scenes with adults. She just seems like a 15 year-old girl and I think her left eye is glass, seriously. Watch it next time, but I digress. BATMAN BEGINS is truly what a comic book movie should be. A well acted, taught drama that sweeps you up into its world while keeping a foot in our world so we can identify. The art direction takes its cue from Tim Burton’s “Batman”, but keeps it light enough for us to see it. The pace never lags. The dialog crackles. Which must be a nice change of pace for Liam Neeson after having to puke up George Lucas’ doggerel.
3) KUNG FU HUSTLE
This is the kind of film that Quentin Tarantino would love to make, and more than likely will rip off in the future. Sing-chi (or Stephen) Chow may be the last of the great Hong Kong directors that hasn’t been co-opted by Hollywood yet, and unfortunately after KUNG FU HUSTLE I’m sure they’ll wake up and money whip him into mediocrity.
2) CRASH
Paul Haggis makes his film-directing debut with a fine little movie that takes the Rubik Cube of racism in the post-911 world and works it around for an hour and a half. Much like the Rubik Cube, it doesn’t solve anything, but it is entertaining to play with. This is the guy that created WALKER, TEXAS RANGER, for the love of God. He should be directing the Duce Bigalow sequel, not this. Only goes to show, and that’s the point of the movie, you just never know.
1) THE ARISTOCRATS
Anyone who can make one joke hold up for 90 minutes has made the best movie of the year. This film is so funny I even liked Sarah Silverman after watching it! The only disappointment is that Michael O’Donoghue isn’t still alive to tell his version of the joke.
TOP THREE LETDOWNS
3) MURDERBALL
While this is a very engaging documentary, I would hardly call the sport “Rugby”. It’s more akin to donkey basketball with wheelchairs, and sure they like to crash into each other, but they are a lot more bluster than bad guys. It almost seems the point of the movie is “cripples are just like everyone else; a bunch of self pitying jerks, bad fathers and horn-dogs”. The most telling scene in the movie was how the athletes tried to distance themselves from ‘The Special Olympic’.
2) STAR WARS: EPISODE III – REVENGE OF THE SITH
George Lucas is a flaming A-hole! The first STAR WARS was a children’s movie. Now that he’s sucked the children in and gotten all their money on his toys, Lucas shows his true dark side and spews out this steaming pile of PG-13 crap. Young children being murdered on screen. Their dead bodies strewn about. Arms and legs being hacked off. Flesh melting off the bone. The murder of not one, but two mothers. George Lucas has shoes… Issues!
1) KING’S RANSOM
Kill the hostage! Next time I see Jay Mohr I’m punching him in the mouth. Directed by a former Spike Lee camera operator, written by a former Kennen and Kel show writer, and staring an accused rapist, I don’t know why I was expecting anything good, and actually this film is a relief. It was the worst movie of the year. So when something sucks, but you want to be nice, you can say, “Well, it’s not as bad a King’s Ransom”
