Guide to Getting Along With In-laws, and Outlaws
Fitting In
When you marry someone, it is an unfortunate fact that you also marry the family. You think you can hide out in your own little world of wedded bliss, but that’s not how it works. You are expected to attend family functions, and what is more important, you are expected to fit in. If you don’t fit the family mold, you will find yourself in a torrent of ongoing ridicule and resentment. Family members may be kind in your presence, but be forewarned, they will conspire and talk behind your back. Once in a while they will take a stab at you with small-minded innuendoes, but you can arm yourself with ammunition that will tame any beady-eyed “outlaw.”
Kill Them With Kindness
Do you want to kill your in-laws? If so, then by all means, kill them with kindness! This method works well with all types of difficult people, not just in-laws.
If someone is purposely trying to get under your skin, don’t give them the satisfaction of succeeding. Be as nice as pie, and have a kind answer for every intemperate remark. If you’re a really good actor or actress, they will start believing they can’t ruffle your feathers. If you’re kind to them, even in the face of blatant rudeness, then no one can ever truthfully state you’ve said anything fallacious. The ill-mannered in-law, or rather the “outlaw,” will appear to be the one with the attitude problem.
Even though it may be entertaining to stir up a little trouble, avoid bringing up controversial subjects. If you know your father in-law is a staunch Republican, don’t bring up your Democratic view on improving the economy during the first course of dinner. Don’t give an Earnhardt fan a Gordon T-shirt for Christmas. You will regret it for the rest of your married life.
Defensiveness and Paranoia
In all seriousness, don’t make the mistake of taking every other comment made by your in-laws the wrong way. Don’t let the stigma of in-laws lead you to believe they are out to verbally assault you with every breath. If there is more than one way to take a particular comment, a negative way or a positive way, consider the possibility that no harm was intended, and accept the comment as a positive statement.
If the shoe is on the other foot and something you have said has been taken in a negative light, when you receive a defensive response, correct the situation immediately. Don’t be taken off guard and stew about it later. Turn on the “nice as pie” attitude, and repeat what you’ve said in a way that can’t be misconstrued. This is called defensively correcting the situation. Do this a number of times to someone who always takes offense at your innocent comments, and maybe they will eventually figure out you are not really an evil person. They will probably end up looking foolish.
The Blame Game
One of the surest ways to end a marriage is to constantly condemn your spouse’s family. It is a proven fact that blood is thicker than water. Family is forever, but you are replaceable. It is not your husband or wife’s fault that his or her mother is a conniving old crone. He or she doesn’t want to hear over and over how so-in-so doesn’t like you or how you were done wrong. He or she more than likely loves his family unconditionally, and you will always come out looking like the bad guy in this situation. If his or her family is in fact the family from infernal regions, and they treat you unfairly, your husband or wife will finally see it for themselves. Just turn on the “nice as pie” attitude technique, and your husband or wife will never be able to truthfully say you were to blame.
Avoidance
If you have tried the “kill them with kindness” technique and the “defensive correction” technique to no avail, maybe the best course of action is avoidance. By now your spouse knows how the family is, even if he or she was initially in denial. If you can’t get along with cousin “it” at your husband’s family’s Christmas celebration, have your own celebration at home, but never insist that your spouse cuts ties with his family. He or she will more than likely eventually cut ties with you. Give him or her the opportunity to visit the family, but excuse yourself from the celebration. If the family truly does not like you for whatever reason, they won’t care one way or the other. Unfortunately, your spouse will care, and for this reason it is always best to grin and bear it, and try your best to get along with the outlaws as well as the in-laws.
