Why Subsequent Marriages Sometimes Fail
So, why do subsequent marriages fail? The reasons are unique like the individuals involved, but there are some reasons that are quite common. Recognizing the danger signs and pitfalls can help those in subsequent marriages before their marriage fails.
Baggage
We’ve all heard the term “baggage” used when referring to someone who was once married. This is a negative term often used to describe kids from a pervious marriage. The fact is, even the most well-meaning stepparent with the best of intentions won’t truly care about a stepchild the way they would their own. This is unfortunate fact of life. Stepchildren are sometimes thought of as burdens in a marriage. This isn’t of course true in all cases, but stepchildren can be the source of failure in subsequent marriages.
Enemy Offspring
Some children are innocent victims of failed marriages, and many are tossed from pillar to post. They are not usually to blame when trouble arises in subsequent marriages, but they are often condemned. They are the offspring of the enemy, and closed-minded thoughtless stepparents don’t see these children as individuals. They only see the enemy – the child’s parent who is the ex spouse of their husband or wife. They see expressions and traits of that parent, and they are reminded of the fact that their spouse was once married to someone else. A grudge is formed against an innocent child.
Parenting With a Grudge
If a stepparent obviously has a grudge against a stepchild, the parent needs to get to the bottom of the problem before it escalates. They need to point out the fact that the child is an individual and didn’t choose to be a stepchild. A good parent will never choose a spouse over an innocent child, and this needs to be made clear from the beginning.
Manipulative Kids
On the other hand, kids can be very manipulative, especially teenagers. Not all kids are innocent little victims, but they sometimes take advantage of the fact their parents are divorced, and they milk the situation as much as possible. They go out of their way to stir up trouble, either to gain attention, sympathy, or whatever they want. They want the whole world to revolve around them, and when they find out it doesn’t, they go out of their way to create problems to make sure it does.
When a stepchild is clearly trying to create problems, they need to be put in their place as well. A good parent will not allow a child to manipulate them. The longer this type of behavior goes on, the more it will escalate. A problem child will learn the best methods of manipulating both the parent and the stepparent if they are allowed to do so. Attitude adjustments must be made in no uncertain terms. Stepchildren purposely trying to create a rift need to be told from the beginning that his or her parent and stepparent are married for life. Anything they do to try and cause trouble will not be tolerated.
One thought of comfort – kids do finally grow up. The teen years are usually the most difficult years, but if a parent has raised their children to be polite and caring individuals, someday those who struggled through their teen years will go back to their parents and let them know they were wrong. Unfortunately, blood is thicker than water, but sometimes it takes time and maturity in order to begin showing appreciation to a stepparent.
Don’t Let the Past Ruin the Present
Everyone has a past. People often make the mistake of dragging the past into the present. This is one of the biggest mistakes people make when they remarry. It is sometimes necessary to give oneself a reality check. Their spouse could not predict the future any more than they could. There is no reason to be jealous of a failed marriage or the innocent children that were a product of that mistake.
Just because an ex spouse could not be trusted doesn’t mean a current spouse also falls into the same category. Don’t let ghosts of the past haunt the present. Imagination is a powerful thing, and the past sometimes bleeds into the present. Put the past exactly where it belongs, in the past. Consider every mistake in the past a necessary lesson of life, and move on as a wiser individual. Our spirits are molded through many years of experiences, and we would not be who we are today if we didn’t have negative as well as positive experiences.
