Women and Sexuality in the 21st Century
In Rebecca Walker’s “Lusting for Freedom”, Walker provides us a very intimate and personal look into her experiences with her sexuality as a young woman. She shares these experiences and thoughts as proof that, as she says, “Girl’s need not feel guilty concerning their sexuality-instead females can celebrate their sexuality regardless of traditional gender constraints.” She talks about how after the “initial awkwardness” she loved sex, and how by the time she was eighteen she was “fluent” in the language of sex, finding herself changing and modeling herself to the man she was currently courting. Shifting from the giggly virgin to the serious art student, all to capture the man she wanted, artfully playing the Woman. However, she talks about other factors that influenced her sexuality as well, she mentions curiosity, desire, and her body as large contributing factors in her sexuality. She talks about how sex was a liberating and educational tool for her, which helped her understand herself in ways that she couldn’t otherwise have experienced. She cites sex and pleasure as a right that all women are born to, and that the really crime lays in the laws that deny women the right to control their bodies, the sex filled with shame, the labels of whore and slut. She claims that women are punished, as was Eve, only for seeking more knowledge about themselves and their bodies. But, she holds that even despite all these things the female has the right and the ability to explore her sexuality, and should do just that.
Athena Devlin in her article “The Shame of Silence” provides a stark contrast from Walker’s conviction that women can have and experience sexual freedom and power and be confident and unashamed in their sexuality. Devlin too shares with us an intimate personal experience from her high school days. However, unlike Walker, Devlin shows us the difficulties of overcoming the traditional gender constraints. Constraints created not only by the boys of her high school, but the girls also. She talks about how, as a direct result of these traditional restraints, she experienced feelings of rejection, inadequacy, and in short wanted to hide from everyone. She talks about how it was not only the boys who made these gender stereotypes but it was the girls who allowed and went along with the stereotypes that caused such a problem. She talks about how in later life she has a conversation with a girl that went to the same high school and experienced many of the same things she did. They both desperately wished that those years could have been different. It was only after high school however that they shared these experiences with anyone, and that Devlin says, is the greatest tragedy of all. Realizing that it could have been different it they just “could have shaken off the terrible trap of shame and talked about our lives and found ways to support each other.” She comes to the realaization that if not for all the gender constraints and traditional roles that existed in her high school the girls could and would have come together and broke the silence that so confined and bound them to their traditional gender roles.
I find that I can closely relate to both Walker and Devlin, as I know girls that have had similar experiences of both Walker and Devlin. I sympathize with Devlin, as I think of all friends I have over the years that where forced to have similar shameful experiences, and at the same time can think of many girls I know who, like Walker, are very comfortable in their sexuality and feel no shame in it at all. However, I feel that Devlin makes a very good point, and that in reality her experience with sexuality as a high school girl is more often the case than not. In my experience, as limited as it may be, I have found and noticed that girls are very often degraded and forced into “shameful” acts quite often in high school, and that as Devlin pointed out while the boys are the ones enacting the situation, the girls themselves are to blame also as they passively accept the roles the boys have made for them, and instead of banding together to overcome those roles, they fight amongst themselves and vie for the attention of the males. It is a scenario I am all to familiar with to ignore, I can not even begin to count the times a close friend has come to me and disclosed “shameful things” that her boyfriend made her do, although she really didn’t want to. Or listened while they explained to me all the injustices and hurts their boyfriends have caused them. Only to find that after speaking with me about it and telling me how much the disliked the situation, they go running to the same situation over and over again. It breaks their hearts every time they do it, and it breaks mine every time I see it, yet they continue to do it time and time again, due I largely suspect to the traditional gender constraints that are placed on them to please their boyfriend and be submissive and complaint to what he wants even if it is degrading or unpleasant for them as a woman.
It is difficult for a woman to break free from those traditional gender constraints, and although it may be easier for them to do so in this day and age, especially in the parts of the county that are more liberal, it is much more difficult in a largely conservative area that still culturally, if not openly, holds to the idea that the woman is subservient to the man. However, at the same time, although I can’t hold with Walker in saying that sexual promiscuity is the answer. I agree with her in the idea that women have the ability, right, and need to find themselves, as does any person male or female, independently of the cultural, societal, and traditional gender roles and constraints that are placed upon them. Sexuality is an important part of personality and as both Walker and Devlin commented can be when experienced in a favorable manner, lead to great joy and pleasure. The trick lies in fighting through all the predetermined roles and constraints to find out what is the best fit for you.
