A Humble Proposal?

For Prevention of famine in Africa, for relieving the burden from the international community and making Africa of benefit to the global economy.

It is a terrible sight for those visiting Africa and travelling through the vast continent, to see the towns, villages and countryside crowded with beggars and the destitute, often with three or four children, all dressed in rags harrying every tourist for their U.S dollars. These unfortunate families and individuals instead of being able to earn a living are constrained to begging for sustenance for themselves and their helpless offspring; who are likely to grow up either to a life begging like their parents or leave their native country to attempt to access a richer western country and sell themselves into near slavery with criminal traffickers.

I think it is agreed by everyone that this great number of destitute children many whose parents have been carried off by the great HIV plague, is in the present deplorable state of most of Africa a great additional woe. Therefore whoever could think of a humane, easy and cheap way of helping these children to be of benefit rather than a detriment to this continent would deserve a Nobel prize as a saviour of nations.

Far from intending to provide for those destitute children, my intention is a far larger plan, it shall include all children up to a certain age, whose parents are for whatever reason, (famine, pestilence, war etc), unable to support them.

Personally, having studied this important subject for many years and having fully examined the many schemes and projects of other philanthropists, I have always found them largely incorrect in their findings. It is true that a newly born child in Africa can usually be supported by the mother with milk for the first year with few other necessities at an average cost of $12 (according to Save the Children), which can usually be provided for by the parents through begging or by the providence of western aid agencies and it is at this age that I propose to provide for them and ensure that, rather than being a burden on the state and the international global economy, which has to provide food and clothing for these many thousands, they shall become a contributor to the feeding of the African continent and help Africa lift its economy out of debt.

There also a second great advantage to this idea, it will prevent that horror of parents murdering their poor children, that occurs all too frequently. Sacrificing their children out of need and despair that moves even the most hardened capitalist among us when we see this daily on our televisions.

The number of people in Africa being presently estimated at 890,000,000, of these I calculate there are approximately 36,000,000 children born every year, from these I subtract 10,000,000 to take into account those children whose parents are able to support them for various reasons, although I would suggest that this is probably an overestimate in view of the current situation in many parts of Africa. This figure being agreed upon however, there remains 26,000,000 children being born. I subtract 3,250,00 for the number of children who die within their first year from diseases. There only remains 22,750,000 (figures from overpopulation.com) children born whom the parents of or the state cannot provide for. The question is therefore how this number of children possibly be reared and provided for, which at present is impossible by any other method previously proposed. They cannot be employed in agriculture in countries with such drought nothing grows, they cannot work in industries that don’t exist. They can hardly live a life of begging or farming anyway until they are at least six years old except for any benefits having a baby may accrue the parents in the handout of aid agency handouts, and I have been informed by an official in South Africa that often they are left parentless by the Aids epidemic.

I am assured by black marketers that there is little money to be made from selling a child under twelve years of age into slavery and that there is little modern market for this practice, even the girls who could be used for prostitution for rich westerners will only fetch a hundred dollars, a fee that is of no benefit to the parents or state the cost of their support having been many times this figure.

I shall now propose my simple thoughts, which I feel will not be liable to any rational objections.

It has been illustrated by a Papua New Guinean friend that a year old child is a tasty morsel if reasonably fed and watered, not unlike pork in it’s taste and texture and just as versatile.

I put it to our politicians and public that of the 22,750,000 children already evaluated, 5,000,000 could be kept for breeding and the continuation of the population, a quarter of whom should be males, which is a higher proportion than in most animals and given the promiscuous nature of the African population this would seem more than generous. The remainder, some 17,750,000 at a year old could be offered for sale to the members of African society that are able to make such purchases, usually those in government who through usual practices of embezzlement and corruption find themselves well of in a continent of starvation. The child would serve as a good protein supplement, and keep as well as other meats and is suitable for curing and salting. I have reckoned that at birth a child will weigh approximately 6 pounds and at a year old if the necessary food and funds could be provided, could easily be increased to 18 pounds by the end of it’s first year.

I grant that this food would need to be fairly pricey, (if a price can be put on a life), therefore it would seem only just that men made rich by the suffering of others should be charged accordingly. It should also serve well upon the international table, where morality is of little account and monetary cost is of little account.

I have calculated the charge of nursing these destitute children, ( in this I include all children of farmers, craftsmen and labourers), to be approximately $12; I believe no rich westerner or corrupt African official would feel even the slightest twang of resentment at paying $50 for such fine fayre, which as said could provide amply for a family feast or provide for a few days to those of a more thrifty nature. In this the Western governments would grow to appreciate their neighbours of the African continent rather than resent the constant monetary drain of feeding these poor masses and the governments of Africa would come to care for their population that provided such a huge benefit and the parents, (if the child has any), would be $38 better off, and be able benefit the community through what work there was until another child is produced.

A further benefit would be the trade in clothing that could result as a spin off from this industry. As an elderly German gentleman explained to me the skins could be removed from the carcass in much the way a cows skin is removed and would make the most delicate fabric, especially desirable in our western fashion industry.

A worthy British traveller, a true lover of Africa who’s principles I hold up high, having discussed this issue with me was able to offer a extenuation of my plan. He said that in Africa the hunting of it’s various wildlife is one of it’s largest businesses but had declined in line with the reduction in animal populations. He perceived that the want of desirable game could easily be supplied by young boys and girls, not over the age of fourteen who given a suitable head start would make admirable sport for such a thriving industry. For money is the key to Africa, as it is clearly not lack of food that causes such starvation and destitution, as there is fully enough food in the world to feed and keep these poor souls, but a decided lack of charity to give this necessity free of charge. I cannot agree wholly with such an idea; for the most part these individuals would not have the stamina for a good chase, being so full of want and lack of food, besides which it is possible that some ‘moral’ people may disparage such an idea as bordering on cruelty, (although how cruel is their present state), which would for me be most objectionable of any project regardless of it’s noble intent.

Some people of a more negative posture are greatly concerned by the vast numbers starving wretches who are old or afflicted by the great plague of HIV, and I have been requested to turn my ideas to what could be done to relieve Africa of such a burden. But I have not a single qualm on this problem, because it is clear that they are dying daily by famine and drought and the dreaded plague of HIV as fast as could be hoped for. As for the farmers, labourers and craftsmen, they are in as sore a plight, to such an extent that if they ever are opportuned to work for their own sustenance they have not the strength to turn a single clod of earth and so they are merrily relieved of such a foul future.

Returning to the subject, I think the advantages of this proposal, are many and all too obvious and all would agree of the utmost importance.

First, as already observed it would greatly reduce the number of immigrants, with whom our Western nations seem overflowing and so greatly reduce the demands on our own economy and the cost of keeping these unlucky souls in detention centres to await their fate.

Secondly, the poorest people of Africa will have something of worth for themselves which could help to pay their countries crippling debts, their land now being a desert and capital being a thing virtually unknown.

Thirdly, where the cost of supporting 17,750,000 children, from two years old and upwards cannot be less than $852,000,000, the continents finances would be benefited by $674,500,000 Per year, besides the profit of a fine new cuisine being introduced to a culpable world.

Fourthly, the families, besides gaining the means to support themselves, would be rid after the first year of the burden of these children.

Fifthly, this measure would greatly induce monogamy in this licentious continent. Mothers would take more care of their children, them being such a profitable commodity. Men would come to love their wives, not beat them and treat them worse than cattle, for fear of miscarriage.

Many other benefits could be listed, as already mentioned, the exportation market of such carcasses would be huge, the thanksgiving market, too long dominated by the turkey, which I’m sure in no way compares in taste or look to a magnificent yearling child which would make a fine centrepiece at any family gathering. Plus the joy of those U.S families knowing they had so benefited the peoples of Africa. These benefits could fill another hundred pages and careful of the length of this piece I shall leave these to your own imagination.

I can not think of any reasonable objections that can be raised against this humanitarian idea, unless it should be pointed out that the population would be vastly decreased over time.

This I admit, and it was one of the considerations in proposing this remedy. It must be noted that I estimate this solution for the African continent not for any other place in existence.

So let no one talk of other solutions: Of deleting Africa’s debts: Of using the vast grain reserves of Europe and the U.S, which Africa has not the money to buy: Of moving vast populations from areas destroyed by our own environmental folly: Of giving them grain to plant that is genetically modified to produce no grain stock for further years: Of teaching Africans the parsimony of government, rather than filching every available dollar to their own avarice and corruption: Of solving the vast tribal conflicts that wrack this continent. Lastly of teaching this continents governments not to sell their great resources for pittances to global companies.

So let no one talk of these great schemes, until they have at least one possible reason to believe they are possible in the face of our selfish capitalist society.

For myself, having luckily come upon this proposal, which although not totally original, is still something tangible and of little cost and by which can incur few dangers of the wrath of the world bank and IMF.

Still I am not so full of my own ideas to reject any others thought up by financial grandees, which could be as simple, low cost, effective and honest. In dreaming of a scheme in opposition to mine, I would wish the economist to consider a couple of things. Firstly, with the situation in Africa, how would they find the food, water and clothing for these 18,000,000 destitute beings. Secondly, with 500,000,000 souls in this continent whose provision in total would increase their debts to7,000,000,000 per annum, adding to those already totally reliant, those who still with little hope, cling to the dust of their farms or sit staring at their looms standing silent who are in just as hopeless a case: I ask those politicians and financiers who dislike my idea, and would propose an alternative, that they first ask these starving masses as to whether they would think it a greater benefit to have been offered as sustenance, at one year of age as proposed, and in so doing have saved themselves the hardship they have experienced through the wars, famine, drought and utter hopelessness of their situation and the certainty that this will continue to be visited upon their race for ever more.

I must add that I have few personal reasons for this idea above my concern for humanity, by increasing the wealth of Africa, providing for the poor and starving and giving to the rich a new delight with which to stuff their gorge. I am not personally of the African race nor a resident, and am a vegetarian.