Billy Joel: The Greatest Solo Artist of All Time: VOLUME IV: Bruce Springsteen is a Freaking Idiot
I’m from Jersey and I’ve never understood the fascination with Springsteen. Who made this douche the fucking Boss. And why is The Boss a cool nickname? Don’t most people hate their boss? New Jersey’s great hero, who’s best song is “Streets of Philadelphia” ( it’s no coincidence that this song sounds nothing like anything else in his entire catalogue). I really dislike him. I dislike his stupid voice and his vague pirate look. I dislike his band member wife and that guy who plays saxophobne. I do like Little Steven, though. He’s cool.
I don’t like his political persona either, even though I mostly agree with his politics. Billy Joel never publically sided with any party or cause, and this is the right thing to do. I hate lefty pseudo-communist liberal asshole entertainers even more than I hate Toby Keith, even though I am personally more akin to the latter. I hate Bush and co. as much as the next guy, but these artist-activist types just come off like such whiney harping pricks, I can’t stand it. Bruce Springsteen became King of the Liberal Entertainers before John Kerry lost the election. He was playing fund-raisers, speaking out; he even got an op-ed piece published in the Times. What? Yes, Bruce Springsteen wrote a political editorial for the NY Times. It was just as stupid as you would imagine it to be, so don’t bother searching for it on the internet.
Aside from his dumb outspoken beliefs, Bruce Springsteen has blessed the world with 14 albums full of crappy tunes. Tunes that will be played on and on, every hour on classic radio from now until the day I die. If it wasn’t for freewill, I would have killed myself a long time ago.
It wasn’t until recently that I truly started to hate Springsteen. I even secretly enjoyed some of his older tunes (“Born in the USA”, “Rosalita” to name a few). But after 9/11, he hooked up with the E-Street Band for the first time in many years. They shouldn’t have called him back. The resulting endeavour produced one of rock’s most disgusting, unforgivable albums of all time…”The Rising”.
“The Rising” is a shitstorm of useless songs, each one worse than the one before it. There’s crappy synth strings and Springsteen’s patented gospel stylings throughout. And the lyrics are all mushy crap; full of illusions to recovery and hope. I know the dude who lost his cousin in the WTC tragedy was chomping at the bit to waste $17.99 at Sam Goody on this piece of sentimental poop. It made me sick. Regardless of his actual intentions, the timing sucked: the famous local artist releases feelgood comeback album in the wake of the region’s greatest catastrophe. Fuck you Mr. Springsteen and may you never exploit anyone ever again.
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I realize that this article has had very little to with Billy Joel, but in a way it has. The 70’s sprouted some of the most revered singer-songwriters of all time. Most would agree that Springsteen would be at the very top of this list, followed by the likes of James Taylor and Carole King. All these artists supposedly embody an integrity that escapes Billy Joel. Why? Because he dressed like an auto mechanic in the “Uptown Girl” video? It isn’t fair. Billy Joel will never be Bruce Springsteen, and vice versa; this is a good thing. Just look at their initials: BJ vs. BS. One is something you like to get and enjoy very much, the other is something you try to avoid at all costs. That just says it all, doesn’t it?
STAY TUNED FOR THE CONCLUSION OF THIS SERIES, COMING SOON
