The Light Inside

I am sure you have �Just look at the trees. The leaves are green �the trunk is brown and the flowers�name the color and you have trees with different colored flowers�someone has definitely created this world �

I sat in the balcony of my house thinking about the beautiful gulmohar tree that was there�. the whiff of wet mud refreshed my memories again�

I still remember that day�it was raining � I was staying in a house surrounded by trees�the sky was adorned with rain clouds�the eucalyptus tree in the garden swayed with joy. And the air was filled with the sweet smell of wet mud�. it was truly glorious. And I remember looking up at the thundering sky. And saying �God u are truly great�.

It was summer and we had vacations�I had had a lot of fun going for picnics. Learning to swim�climbing mountains�it had been a wonderful vacation. School was just a week away. And I was very happy..I would be in a new class..Well �let me not think about that as yet. I still have a week!!!!!!!!!!!!

My friend came over and we were playing in the Garden�we decided to climb a tree.. it was a little slippery but I had to get up there and touch those green leaves .. I wanted to touch the tender ones those were the new leaves and they are always softer than the others�as I tried to reach it and�I slipped and fell�������������.

The next thing I remember was that I woke up.. I tried to open my eyesâÂ?¦. or I felt that my eyes were open. But I could not see anything but darknessâÂ?¦I knew I was in the hospital. I could smell it âÂ?¦but the darkness that I saw was weirdâÂ?¦. I mean. I had been in darkness before even when it is dark I could see something at leastâÂ?¦. “Wait a minuteâÂ?¦how in the world did I get here???” I thought. Then I remembered playing with this friend of mineâÂ?¦and âÂ?¦now I know. I fell off the treeâÂ?¦.

I must have moved coz my mother held my hand, it felt good. Her small little podgy hands were so soft�

She came and gave me a kiss. I wanted to see her so I said,” Mom, could you please switch on the light it is too dark. I want to see you.” She sounded puzzled ” But the lights are on sweetheart???????? But âÂ?¦I was confusedâÂ?¦I touched my eyes. Like I said they felt open. But I wanted to make sureâÂ?¦ ” Are you sure that the lights are on Mummy?????????Coz I can’t see you??????” I said. I suddenly felt very scared.. I wanted to see my mother âÂ?¦and I felt something. A feeling which if I ever felt again I would dreadâÂ?¦ I knew âÂ?¦something had gone wrong with me. I felt that I had become blindâÂ?¦I will not be able to see againâÂ?¦.” No, No, this can’t be true. This is not happening to me âÂ?¦.God you can’t do this to meâÂ?¦. and I started to cry.

The doctors rushed in � immediately a series of tests were taken �and then they gave me the news �.I already knew it�.I was depressed and angry ..i hated the world �I hated God� and the only question I had was�WHY ME????????
I stayed this way for Quite some timeâÂ?¦ everyone tried to cheer me upâÂ?¦my best friend came to see me every day and she told me stories about schoolâÂ?¦she read to me. I wanted to be in school to âÂ?¦it was my school! So one day I walked up to my Dad and told him ” Daddy I want to go to school”.
That’s great!!!!!, my father exclaimed.

“There is this new school not very far from hereâÂ?¦ I will get you admitted there..”My father said. ” A different school?????????? No! I want to go to my school”. I said. ” But, sweetheart”. My father said.. âÂ?¦he tried to explain that I would not be able to FIT in âÂ?¦but I was adamantâÂ?¦after some time he gave up. ” I am not going to a blind school.”I thought .A few weeks went byâÂ?¦ I tried to occupy myself and not think of my eyesâÂ?¦but nothing helped. I was totally consumed by grief.

I was totally frustrated� I could not even get up and go to the living room by myself �I needed somebody all the time� I felt very dependent and helpless.

I was standing in my balcony wondering ” Why Me???”, It was raining againâÂ?¦and the whiff of the wet mud smell filled my lungs and suddenly I felt someone whisper in my heartâÂ?¦ ” Life is full of choices so choose to be happy”.

I swung my hands everywhere ” Who’s there??? Talk to me, tell me more” âÂ?¦but I heard nothingâÂ?¦that night when I slept I kept dreaming of the words I had heardâÂ?¦

When I woke up the next morning�I felt happy and hopeful. �After a long time.

I knew� this time the feeling was weird again but it felt good and suddenly I knew things would get better. Those words that whispered in my heart made me think about the situation I was in�and I knew I had the choice of either sitting and sulking about life or to go out there and learn to live a wholesome life�and I knew that my choice was to live life to the full.

At breakfast I announced to my Dad, ” Daddy, I want to go to blind school, would you take me?”. My father hugged me and said, ” My dear, I am proud of you. Ofcourse I will take you.” My mother hugged me too.. I know she was overwhelmed with emotionâÂ?¦I know she had tears in her eyes.. I felt themâÂ?¦she just managed to squeeze my hand.

That morning was the beginning �I went to this school�.i heard a lot of children. I had heard the voices of children after months!!!!!!

My new teacher escorted me to the class.. We were being taught to write in Braille� and typing�and the best part�we had our own library with books in Braille just waiting to be read by us�.

I was still learning how to read and write� I must admit though that I found it quite difficult�.

It was one of those days when I was sitting in the library trying to read but I was unable to .I was very disappointed and sad that dayâÂ?¦like always my father noticed that I was unusually quiet that dayâÂ?¦he came up to me sat next to meâÂ?¦ he knew something was wrong he always knewâÂ?¦ ” Hi sweetheart, how is school going on?” he asked. ” Daddy, I can’t do this, I try and I try but I just don’t get it sometimes. I don’t know if I am ever going to learn to read BrailleâÂ?¦it is too tough” I cried. Daddy just held me tight said , “remember when we went to the temple which is on top of a mountainâÂ?¦remember? We were climbing the mountain and my legs started achingâÂ?¦and I sat downâÂ?¦and I said ” Where is the temple I can’t see it” and you told me, ” Daddy, the temple is thereâÂ?¦you can’t see it coz it is covered with fog. Although you can’t see it, I know it is there. And I know you will climb up to it âÂ?¦and I will make sure you do.”

“Well sweetheart, that day you showed me that, just because you can’t see something does not mean it is not there. So although climbing the mountain was difficult I knew the temple was there and I knew I had to reach it.” I knew what my Dad wanted me to understand. I went back to school and started with new vigorâÂ?¦and very soon I could readâÂ?¦

One day we friends [I had managed to make a few] were talking about ourselves

When I started talking about how beautiful the world looks and how I missed seeing it.

And the one thing I missed seeing, was my parents.

I said that and was very quiet when the girl next to me said, ” you are lucky you know. You have at least seen them.. I have just heard themâÂ?¦ you have seen flowers I can just imagine how they look and smell themâÂ?¦I have been told there are many colors in this world but I don’t understand what color means.” I felt very bad after listening to her and for the first time in 2 years I felt lucky to have at least pictures to relate to the world.

And that day I felt, that I was lucky�and I learnt�that although the light in your eyes is gone �you must see the world with the light in your heart.