Possible Career Moves 4 American Idol Runner-up Katharine McPhee

-Clay Aiken It!

There has been no bigger number two in the history of American Idol than the geeky, religious (and closeted gay?) Clay Aiken. Aiken appeals to a wide array of demographics. Young teenage girls don’t know better, aging housewives think he’s adorable and gay men, well, gay men love him. McPhee has a shot at being bigger than winner Taylor Hicks (she’ll at least sell more records than American Idol’s first #2, the puffy haired Justin Guarini). She needs to stick with what she does best, and that’s Mariah Carey style ballad singing and bubblegum pop; no stupid movie musicals with Hicks like the AI season one disaster “From Justin to Kelly”.

-Soft-core Porn

I have my fingers tightly crossed in hope, that one day (hopefully not too far down the line); Katharine McPhee bottoms out and gets into soft-core porn. This would be a good time to get something off of my chest; I have a huge crush on Katharine McPhee. I think she’s the most attractive American Idol of all time. I am fairly mesmerized by her luscious breasts; Katharine McPhee needs to get into pornography because I don’t think there’s any other way that I am going to see her naked, ever. And not anything hardcore; it’s got to be some late night Cinemax shit. I don’t want to see anything too close up; something (like an ugly vagina) that would, perhaps, ruin McPhee’s appeal.

-Host a Reality Show

This is the most logical (and probable) career path for Katharine McPhee. She’s got the look and personality of a reality show host. Reality TV hosting is not as easy as one might think; but Katharine McPhee is perfect for it. Let me run down the criteria for excellent reality show hosting. First of all you have to be smoking hot with an excellent body and an ample chest (Katharine McPhee: Check). You need to have a cute, trusting and innocent face; but with a smile that says “wild side” (Katharine McPhee: Check). You’ve got to have the personality of a someone who could have been a cheerleader (many even on a national level) but was totally content to just lie in a field and read a book (Katharine McPhee: Check). Katharine McPhee, Fox is writing a reality show for you as we speak. Good luck.

-Start Dating Ryan Seacrest (or Simon Cowell)

This is a bold move; one that Katharine McPhee would be wise to make. Seacrest and Cowell are strange birds, and they might not even be McPhee’s type. However, if for some reason these two want to fuck her, she has to get on board. Being romantically linked to one of these two (shit, even Randy would do, but I don’t see that happening) would totally make her career. You can’t buy the exposure a scandal like that would create. She’d be all over the tabloids and the internet; she could just have a friend snap pictures of her by the pool with a guy who looks like Seacrest and they could sell the negatives for at least $200,000.

-Team Up with the “Since U Been Gone” Writing Team

I’m not sure who wrote “Since U Been Gone” (the Kelly Clarkson mega-hit); I think it’s the same people who wrote most of Ashley Simpson’s awesome debut album (but this probably inaccurate). I think they’re Swedish. Anyway, Katharine McPhee totally needs to hook up with these dudes because (although it’s not really her sound) they will make her a star. “Since U Been Gone” and the Ashley Simpson tunes (most prototypically “La La”) ushered in the era of fake rock. Fake rock is a genre comprised of pop singers (usually female) singing in the style of rock with a heavily produced, rock-like backing track. Katharine McPhee is way hotter than Kelly Clarkson (though I love Kelly Clarkson). If she gets the right song(s), she will fucking take off, big time.