How to Help Your ADD/ADHD Child with Self Defense
First, though, make sure your child hasn’t become a bully herself. Kids with problems in school may respond by attacking others, so spend some time talking to your child to find how he’s handling his anger.
And she is going to be angry. No one likes to fail, especially in front of a large group of people. And when that group is a bunch of insecure children, your child could be in for some vicious hazing.
So start by helping your child deal with his anger. Spend time alone with your child, gentle and quiet time, when you can talk to each other about anything that interests either one of you. It’s O.K. to let him know that you, too, get frustrated and angry, and that rough times are occasionally a part of life.
But the key word is “occasionally.” A child with ADD/ADHD is going to face continuous frustration in school, so she needs you to be a safe harbor where she can talk and vent and ask for help.
Dealing successfully with frustration and anger is the core defense against bullies. If your child feels confident in his ability to handle difficulty, he’s going to make a less attractive target for attacks.
But chances are that she’ll still be attacked, at least verbally, so you need to help her come up with a response. I like “You’re certainly free to think what you like – that’s why we have the First Amendment.” And I’m sure you can think of others. Then spend some time together play-acting, so he can have a chance to try out several responses to see what works for him.
Unfortunately, children are also facing unprecedented physical attacks. That’s why I like the Asian martial arts, because along with mental and physical discipline, they also teach self defense. You need to do some research in your area to find out what kinds of classes are offered, but I urge you to find something. Hopefully, your child will never have to use her self-defense skills, but she needs to have them just in case.
And as girls get older, they’re going to need additional preparation. Too many boys are becoming sexual predators (actually even one boy is too many), so your daughter needs to be very careful about dating and parties. Teach her never to accept a drink of any kind from a boy unless she sees him open the can or bottle and pour it directly into a glass. The date-rape drugs are tasteless, as are several other drugs, and you want to make sure she knows what she’s drinking and where it came from.
Because your teenaged child is still young and inexperienced, he continues to need you to protect him. Be an active parent – know where your child is going, and with whom, and when she’ll be home. Set a reasonable curfew, and be flexible enough to accept a phone call if something happens to delay him. This is the time when children are in active rebellion against everything stable, so you’re going to have to walk that fine line between martial law and loving concern.
I’m very firm about no booze, drugs, or sex. But I’m also realistic enough to know that teenagers face almost unbearable pressure from their peers. So make sure your child knows that she can talk to you about anything, including birth control. And make sure he knows that you’ll always love and help him, no matter what kind of trouble he may get into.
The world can be a very frightening place for children, so they need you, their parents, to be their haven. They need to know they can trust you and turn to you for help, and that you’ll always act – or at least try to act – in their best interests.
