How I’m Spending My Summer Vacation

Things have been going pretty awesome for me the past few weeks. I’m living with two of my best friends in a gigantic new apartment, I’m getting out and seeing the city a little more, and there are no land lord/money issues hanging over my head all the time, as there have been every day for the past year. I’m also, as the kids say, “going steady” with a girl (I even gave her my letter jacket from senior year varsity football… GO WILD CATS!!!) who makes me incredibly happy (even though she couldn’t care less for me). So where do I go from here? How does one improve upon a summer that needs no improvement upon? Well, I’ve been kicking a few ideas around the office* and I think I’ve got a few ideas that will please both myself and my stockholders. Take notes, while your at it. You might just learn a thing or two about how to turn your summer into the best summer ever.

Nick’s summer plans:

1. Finish my novel. That erotic thriller filled with sex, drugs, drug induced sex, murder and circumlocutions that make everyone uncomfortable, i.e.: throbbing member or quivering womanhood.

2. Jam band festival. Not going to one, but having one of my own where all the biggest jam fans in the state can come and listen to me jam on the guitar, sitar, pan flute, slide whistle or whatever other instruments I feel aren’t jammed hard enough in today’s mega corporazi-run demockery. No, that wasn’t a typo where I spelled democracy wrong. Deal with it you brainwashed sheep.

3. Soup kitchen. Free soup.

4. Campbell’s truck driver. Free soup.

5. Summer paper route. Make some extra cash, buy more soup.

6. Find Salvation. Not acceptance in the warm loving arms of Jesus, the Buddha or rasta prince Bob Marley (lotta mercy). I’m talking about my long lost daughter who I’ve heard has cloistered herself within the doors of the Nunnery, a religious themed gentlemen’s club, under the name Salvation.

Well, those are the only things I can think of to make this summer better. Keep the fan mail coming. Which reminds me: To Jenny in Oakland, the answer to your VERY personal question is Crisco.

Foot Notes:

*Dilbert style