How to Prevent Your Child Becoming a Bully
School bullying: Teachers, when a parent puts their child in your care, it is your responsibility to watch over that child. Bullying needs to be addressed.
Before we start throwing around blame, let’s try to fathom why bullying happens in the first place.
What is the goal in bullying? Power. That’s it. Simple. The bully wants power. The bully wants to feel powerful.
Therefore, the issue we need to address is: why do they feel they need power in the first place?
We all have five needs (as taught by the William Glasser Institute:
1.Survival / Physiology (how we are feeling physically-well, sick, hungry).
2.Love and belonging.
3.Freedom.
4.Fun.
5.Power
Our needs of each one vary. Some people have a high love and belonging need, some have a high fun need, and some have a high power need. If we were all able to grasp this concept of ‘needs’ we-as parents-would be able to look at our children and work out what their strongest needs were.
We help our children to meet the first need by feeding and clothing them, and if they are sick we take care of them of take them to see a doctor.
We meet the love and belonging by making sure our children know that we love them and that they are a cherished member of the family. Unconditional love is a child’s right, and we, as parents, must make sure that we give that all that time.
We tend to fall down a bit on the freedom need when we get too caught up in rules and demands. Make sure that your give your child some freedoms, be it the ability to choose what television programs are watched or in choosing how to play with the garden hose. Perhaps most importantly, as they reach adolescence, allow them their own space, don’t go barging in their bedroom, let that be their space.
Fun is something that comes naturally to children, unless their parents are so dominating and demanding that the child is miserable.
Many people would not even consider that a child has a power need at all, hence that need is often left completely unrecognized.
Take a moment to imagine a child who has a very high power need. Imagine too that child being given no opportunity to meet that need. If their parents make all the decisions and don’t give the child respect, then there is no outlet for that childâÂ?¦other than school, and that is exactly what they do, they meet that need at school, with no understanding or respect of anyone else’s needs.
What a difference it would be if all children, and adults, were taught about these needs, and that it is not acceptable to meet your needs by preventing another person from meeting theirs.
How can we address this power need and help our children to meet that need constructively?
By giving them responsibility from a young age. Get them to set the table for dinner, ask them to put their folded up laundry away in their bedroom. Let them make some decisions: what to have for dinner once a week, going out for breakfast on the weekend, choosing duvet covers for their bed, choosing art for their bedroom, buying books, and let them choose their own clothes. Give them some control. When you talk to them treat them as a person, and never treat them as a child who doesn’t know anything. Ask them their opinions, and respect what they say. As they get older ask their opinions more, discuss issues in the newspaper, let them have input in family decisions. If you need a new washing machine, get their input in that, give them a say.
To ensure that your child does not become a bully: love them unconditionally, have fun with them, give them their own space, respect them, and give them responsibility. These are simple steps with the greatest of results.
