Step Forward, Look Back

I dare to call simplistic catch phrases
And over used expressions
Smudges on society’s face
I talk about human evolutuion
And Darwinism
Like a joke, you see.
But now I take look; the joke is me.

I shouldn’t be allowed to breathe
Let alone see
I look at my hands
The caring things I’ve done
For loved ones
And the awful things I’ve done
All just the same

These hands that nearly choked a peer
These hands that I cry into in fear
These hands that have done such good
These hands with which I brood
These hands which I’ve touched ones that I have loved
These hands that have held children given from above
These hands, they are nothing now.

I look at myself; what sins I’ve commited
My fat, grotesque stature shows gluttony
At the same time showing sloth
My eyes reveal so much you see
They reveal envy, greed
Vanity and lust
Wrath in my aftermath

My problems everyone can see
My eyes blind to it
I don’t know what to do
To get rid of it
My one friend gone
And no shoulder to cry on
This pain continues to thrash inside.

This pain.
No confusing it.
Hurting those you care for the most
Thinking you’ve done good
And all of a sudden
The man with the scythe and hood
Decides to tear your heart from your limbs
And you feel like your life is a mortal sin

And here I sit writing this
Looking at myself
Nowhere to turn to
No one to turn to
Nowhere to hide
And I sit and watch
As myself, this abomination writes

My only escape is sleep
There I have nothing to worry about
No fighting, no shouting, no bouts
Just myself happy
When I’ve never felt truly happy
Only reality’s illusions of the mind
Always ripped away in time

And now I sit here in wait
For the hand of death
For my final hour
My last breath
As I could not stand a test of time
And here may be
My final line.