A Social How-to: The Anatomy of a Handshake

We have all heard how important a good handshake is to our dealings with people. “They” told us that a good handshake should be firm, but not a death grip. We have all experienced what has become known as the “cold fish” handshake, where someone lays a cold, often clammy hand against yours and doesn’t return the squeeze. In high school, I remember the teacher saying that the rules of the handshake apply to women as well as men. Then of course, there is the issue of the handshake at a party where chilled beverages are served. (For those of you who do not know, you should always hold your drink in your left hand, not only to leave your right hand free for the handshake, but also because the cold drink chills the skin, and the result can be a cold, wet, uncomfortable handshake)

On thing though that I have never heard discussed about the handshake is something I have personally discovered as I have continually studied people with whom I do business, looking for an edge. Interestingly enough, you can learn almost everything you need to know about the person with whom you share a handshake if you pay close attention to the anatomy of said handshake. I guarantee you that after reading “Tiffany’s epiphany of the anatomy of a handshake”, your business dealings will forever improve.

The first rule of study in shaking hands is that unless you are trying to set the tone of the relationship yourself, wait for the other person to offer their hand. This does two things for you. Firstly, it shows you where the other person sees you in the relationship. Secondly, it shows you where the other person sees themselves in the relationship. There are four basic types of handshakes; top hand, bottom hand, twisty hand, and equal hand.

A top hand is offered as a palm down approach to the hand extension, as seen in the top left hand picture attached to this article. Offering a top hand, is a non-verbal, non-threatening, often missed way of establishing relational dominance. If I feel the need to be dominant, and I don’t want any questions to be asked as to who is to be the dominant partner in the relationship, I will initiate a top hand handshake. This approach can backfire, so use it sparingly. Likewise, since in most cases, you will want to wait for the other person to offer a hand, you will be able to tell that the other person expects you to be submissive to their dominance if they offer a top-handed handshake.

A bottom hand is offered and a palm up approach to the hand extension, as seen in the bottom left hand picture attached to this article. Offering a bottom hand, is the exact opposite of the top hand. Someone who offers you a bottom-handed handshake is showing signs of submissiveness and openness to your ideas and leadership. There are times when it is appropriate for you to offer a bottom-handed handshake, but usually speaking, a dominant person will use such a handshake sparingly, but will astutely observe those who offer them such a handshake. One word of caution: If someone offers you a bottom hand, beware of what I call “twisty-hand”.

A twisty-handed handshake is exactly what it sounds like. A twisty-handed handshake is one in which the two participants are twisting for the dominance position to see who will be dominant upon the release of hands. Salespeople will often offer what appears to be a bottom handed handshake, but which they quickly twist, so that their hand is dominant at the end of the exchange. A twisty hand can be valuable if you are dealing with someone with a large ego. For example, a certain CEO with whom I deal would be unconsciously offended by me if I ever offered him a top-handed handshake, but I do not consider him equal to me, so I use the twisty handshake when doing business with him. If you intend to offer a twisty handshake, I suggest being the first to offer a hand, because as the initiator of the exchange, you will be expected to initiate the end of the exchange as well. If, however you find yourself in the position of accepting a top-hand, and you do not wish to be submissive in the relationship, then having a good twisty hand in your handshake arsenal is crucial.

The final type of handshake is the equal-handed handshake, as seen in the right-side hand shot in the picture associated with this article. An even handed handshake is what most people think when they think of a handshake, a no harm, no foul, fare thee well approach to shaking hands. I suggest that in most cases, this is the sort of handshake you will give to a friend or someone with whom your station is equal. Despite all of the political correctness of regarding everyone as equal, the reality is that we rarely think anyone is our equal. It’s simply not part of our nature. There are however, some people with whom we wish to communicate equality, and if someone offers you an evenhanded handshake, take it and avoid the urge to twist. That person is not just offering you business. They respect you and are offering you friendship. Don’t take that lightly. Neither, should you offer an even hand constantly. Be as careful about offering an even handed handshake as you are careful about selecting your friends. In most cases, or dealings are not with equals. They are with people with whom we wish to dominate, ESPECIALLY in business.

Those are the four types of handshakes that I have found to be helpful for me in business dealings. However, it is not all I have to say on the matter of the handshake. There is one other incredibly crucial piece to observing the handshake, multiple meetings. It’s one thing to shake hands with someone and observe their relationship with you through the handshake. It’s quite another to take the next step and to watch for the handshakes of others. If, for example, you are in a business meeting with multiple people, and someone who is not the leader is greeted by the leader with a top-handed handshake that does not convert to a twisty-hand, don’t bother spending any time negotiating with the leader of the meeting. He/ She is not in charge. The person in charge is the person who ends a handshake in the dominant position. Even if the top-handed person is silent in the meeting, they wield the power, and as such, that is whose opinion with whom your ideas must gain favor.

You don’t believe me on the anatomy of a handshake? Test me on it. Observe for yourself. Soon you will see that my anatomy of a handshake is deadly accurate, and if applied properly has the potential to shift you into a new gear in your dealings with the most dangerous of all of God’s creatures; humans!