Ten Blogs About Fathers’ Rights
I myself was once one of those happily married blokes that didnt know any better. It is only when your rights as a father are infringed upon do you begin to realize how widespread the problem is. Everyone knows someone who has gone through divorce, is about to get divorced, or is thinking of getting a divorce. When children are involved discussions abound about where the children will go, when they will visit the non-custodial parent, what is the best situation.
No matter what scenario that is decided upon, very rarely will you see it’s fruition. State Courts, Third Party Child Custody Systems, such as Michigans Friend of the Court System, and most frequently disenchanted ex-wives cause changes to the happiest possible scenario within and unhappy situation.
No matter how much goodwill is promised between husband and wife, the mere structure of the divorce and custody system does not allow for good intentions and well wished feelings to exist. Child Custody is called a battle for a reason.
Most family units are still modeled after the older view of the Husband/Father being the breadwinner of the family. Even with a two income family, the wife often makes less as she’s home with the kids more. In part, this view of family is one reason why Fathers Rights have started as an uphill battle. Women, being seen as the lesser partner in the marriage, are often the recipient of the courts graces in a custody suit. Receiving both the primary custody of the children and the financial support that goes along with it.
In an editorial on Standup Today (link provided below), a blogspot dealing with Fathers issues, Lary Holland (Oscada, MI) writes, “In a parenting time conflict, there is disincentive to allow children to have substantially equal time with their parents because then the parents do not fit wholly into the above welfare program model as being absent.”
He further goes on to factually and mathematically describe the process in which this statement proves true. I’m sure that anyone involved in Fathers Rights, Child Custody, and Child Support issues have heard of the oft said phrase, “Divorce Courts and Child Custody systems are big business”. Fathers often lose custody suits, not based on childs best interests, but the all around best interests of who is more able to pay the money for child support. Which, in the end, the court systems generate funds from support. Given that, why would a broken and corrupt system, as the one especially found in the state of Michigan give children to the more financially able parent? It would most assuredly mean less money generated through the child support system.
Editorial after editorial, news cip after news clip show that caring fathers, who have tried to make the transition from marriage to single parenting as easy as possible, get caught within an uncaring system. They begin to realize the faults and issues of the child support system almost immediately. In a divorce and custody decree, the residing judge will state that child support will be this much per week/month. For examples sake, we will say that child support for 2 children was awarded to the wife as being 100.00/week or 400.00/month.
Within 2 weeks, the already distraught father and ex-husband will receive a notice in the mail from the child support system. This will show the awarded child support that he must pay. Then, as the man continues to read, he will find taxes and filing fees and disbursement fees, and office fees……. (need I go on with this? Trust me, I can).
But that’s not the best part. The best part is that this is only a reminder notice, and not a collection notice on payment. The father will then not receive another notice for approximately 3 months. At which time, whether the father has been paying or not, arrearages will have been generated because the child support system automatically assumes the father had not paid.
Anyone caught within the system knows that once arrearages are posted, it is almost impossible to have them removed. In fact, in my personal case, even tho I had all my receipts of payment and cancelled checks, I was told by a Friend of the Court representative that the arrearages would not be removed unless my ex-wife verified the payments and agreed to the removal.
This is just one example of how the child support system begins the breakdown of Fathers Rights and post divorce relationships between fathers and children. Once the process has begun, then any man who cares starts to think fighting the issue. Saving his money, getting those arrearages removed. The ex-husband begins to try to re-level the playing field. He’ll look into resource after resource only to come up with the same result. Take it into court, plead your case.
And this is where the catch-22 begins. Once a man decides to fight for his rights, he’s seen as an angry ex-husband. Courts and Ex-wives both exploit this, which truly does end up causing angry ex-husbands.
As mentioned in the History of Radical Feminism in America, an editorial by Dads Now, “Feminist studies and courts pretend that fathers are causing problems for women and children when they try to save the marriage, litigate for fair custody provisions or attempt to enforce visitation. The feminist perspective is entirely incorrect, for it is the commonplace aggression of divorce, denial of parenthood, and denial of constructive social position, which brings on litigation by fathers who care.”
In a very supportive and intriguing editorial on associatedcontent.com, Manda Spring writes, “The truth of the matter is this, that both parents should spend EQUAL time with the children as it took both mother AND father to give them life. But vanity, the desire to be ‘better’ than the other parent, has consumed most mothers today. Not to mention the sheer greed of keeping for herself what the father so desperately desires, which is the love of his children.” (Editorial Link Below)
Ms. Springs column is an inspiring essay on the reasons men become stuck in an uncaring system and what they can do to get themselves out of it. Child Custody and Fathers Rights is a struggle that leaves most men disenchanted, angry, and hopeless. It is these negative feelings that lead to caring fathers becoming absentee fathers, which ultimately is the reason why whe still have a corrupted court system dealing out unfair and seemingly one sided decisions in favor of mothers.
The lack of Fathers Rights is a direct link to the death of socialism. The American Socialogical Association release a report entitled “Life Without Father: What Happens to the Children?” which states, “Since the 1980s, a new consensus holds that, although most children of divorced parents do all right, growing up without a father increases the risk of numerous undesirable outcomes. For example, girls from father absent families are more likely to become sexually active at a younger age and to have a child outside of marriage. Boys who grow up without their fathers are more likely to have trouble finding (and keeping) a job in young adulthood. Research studies also indicate that the penalties associated with single parenthood appear to be more or less similar for children from all socioeconomic backgrounds.”
If you sit down with a divorced father, going thru the system and fighting for his rights, and you look him in the eyes and ask him what is he fighting for, his rights or his children, you will understand that the fight for Fathers Rights is not about the father alone. It’s about the children.
Whether you’re a parent or not, happily married or divorced, it would do well for every person to educate themselves on this issue. Fathers Rights are necessary. Not for just fathers, but for our Children, for our future. Until men and women can agree that fathers are needed for the well being and growth of our children, I fear the our society will continue to decline.
For Further Information on this Topic, please refer to the links below.
Broken Bread http://breadandwine.blogspot.com/
Disenfranchised Father http://disenfranchisedfather.blogspot.com/
Standup Today http://standuptoday.blogspot.com/
Fathers Rights: A Guide to Securing Custody of Your Children http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/46243/fathers_rights_a_guide_to_securing.html
A Vote of Confidence in Fathers for Justice
Divorce and Custody Blogspot http://divorceandcustody.blogspot.com/
The Eccentric Father http://eccentricfather.blogspot.com/
Societal Shift in Role of Fathers http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,188688,00.html
Masculiste http://michaelcapanzzi.blogharbor.com/blog/FathersRights
Divorced Dad Daily http://www.fathers-resources.com/Blog/tabid/581/EntryID/629/Default.aspx
