What Everyone Should Know About Raising a Teenager

“I had no idea she even thought about that stuff,” Sanchez said. “I still thought she liked playing with Barbie.”

Raising teenagers is guaranteed to also raise your blood pressure, but knowing a few key things about your teenage daughter or son can be key in keeping your sanity and keeping your kids safe.

1. What they like. What type of music do they listen to? What movies or television shows are they interested in? What’s their favorite food or celebrity or game? As children evolve into teenagers, their tastes evolve, too. Be aware of what’s on their iPod or in their favorite magazine. The things they like can tell you a wealth of information about the kids themselves and send you red flags about their activities, so keep updated about what they like to listen to, watch, read, and do.

2. Who they like. Their friends can tell you as much about your child as anything else, but you have to meet them first. Knowing the children that your teenager hangs out with can give you an idea of what they are thinking, talking about, and interested in. Don’t forget to meet the parents of your child’s friends, too, especially if you are expecting them to be in charge of your child’s wellbeing during sleepovers or after school study sessions. Know what influences your child has in his or her life.

3. What they talk about. Sometimes it seems like teenagers have a language all their own, but knowing what they talk about with their friends can reveal warning signs that your child is considering dangerous activities, like drinking, drugs, or sex. It can also bring you closer to your teen by opening up their thoughts to you. Know what they are discussing with their friends, whether it’s the latest on Brangelina or whether it’s birth control.

4. How to talk to them. Ah, puberty. Hormones racing through tiny bodies and making it near-impossible for teenagers to carry on a calm and rational conversation. Knowing how to talk to your teen can keep you in the loop and them out of trouble. Listen to them and their frustrations, and then offer gentle responses. Don’t get upset if they bite your head off for apparently no reason-just give them space and try again later. Cajole, joke, yellâÂ?¦know what works for your child in a variety of situations, and keep the lines of communication open.

5. Their dreams and fears. Knowing what your child wants out of life and what they fear can help build a bond between you. It can also clue you in to important aspects of their life and reasons for their behavior. Knowing their dreams and fears can also help you create a safe space for them to return to each day, where they feel like their dreams are possible. This will create successful children and a home where teenagers feel free to safely express themselves.

6. The names of all their teachers. Yep, it’s cliche, but true. They spend more time at school than at home. Know their teachers and what their teachers see. Teachers can be an invaluable resource when it comes to seeing and hearing things that you might miss. There’s an added bonus, too: studies show that students whose parents are involved at their school have higher grades and higher satisfaction about their schoolwork than students whose parents are largely absent from a school environment.

7. They are not the same. Biologically, your baby is changing. Those biological changes are affecting them mentally and emotionally, too. Many teens complain that their parents treat them as though they are still five years old. Know and understand that, though they are not adults yet, they shouldn’t be treated like children, either. Yes, they are changing, but watching them go through these changes can forge memories as precious as the time little Suzie stepped in her birthday cake. The sooner you accept that your teenager is not the same, the sooner you will be able to truly know him or her.

Understanding the influences in your teenager’s life, as well as how to communicate with them, can make a big difference in the safety of your child as well as keep negative surprises to a minimum. Ask Melanie Sanchez: when she began to talk to her daughter about her life and opinions, Sanchez discovered that her daughter had been planning to pierce her tongue for months.

“I wish I had known,” she said. “If I couldn’t have stopped her, at least I could have been there to make sure it was being done safely.” And, perhaps, to share an important moment in her daughter’s life. Knowing your teen makes it possible to head off disasters and also to build memories to last even when these stressful days are gone.