Bible Game Makes Believer Out of Me
First, it’s the Bible Game. Crrrrrazy religious fundamentalists probably made it. Second, thirteen years of Catholic school education is sitting in my head – here I could use it to crush my friends in Exodus trivia. Finally, its box art – depicting Noah’s Ark, kids climbing a ladder into heaven and a guy in a cowboy hat running though the parted Red Sea – was too good to pass up. It seemed like fodder for an easy, sarcastic review that would put me on the map as an Associated Content funny man.
Internet stardom, here I come!
But there’s a problem. The Bible Game isn’t what you’d expect.
The game, produced by Crave Entertainment, boasts 1,500 Old Testament questions that are asked on a kooky quiz show called “Do Unto Others” – complete with a mildly annoying, Bob Saget-esque host. Each game puts your character at a podium next to three opponents. Even if you add more human opponents, the computer will be there to round out the foursome – and those cats know God.
I expected the worst from my game show experience- a lame interface with question after question on Abraham and how many ribs Adam had? It’s called the Bible Game, right? Clearly I’m going to be beaten over the head with religious factoids.
Not exactly.
The game actually mixes info and gameplay in a way that is sure to please kids but might leave religious parents out in the cold.
A “Do Unto Others” game board is divided into several different point values. Players stop a random, flashing light with the push of a button and answer the question or participate in a challenge to get the points.
The catch? Old Testament questions are limited to one or two a round. You’ll spend more time playing mini-games with vague biblical references than you will racking your brain to figure out who the mother of earth was âÂ?¦ it was Eve âÂ?¦ says the game.
I sat down with my roommate, baseball play-by-play announcer Kyle Coppess, to see how a Methodist would fare against a kick-ass, bible expert like me.
Well, he kicked my ass.
The days I spent toiling in theology class and trying to stay awake during church services were of no use to me. Coppess pinned me down in the knowledge-less mini-games and pummeled me like a sinner in a quarry.
Clearly his Bible expertise must have given him an edge in the games.
“After eight grade I think I’ve been back to church like once,” said the 23-year-old.
The mini-game “False Idols” had us kicking golden statues into a destructive fire. I lost. “Staff of Aaron” left us to fight off an advancing wave of the Pharoh’s snakes. The serpents got me. “Noah’s Ark”. meant we were playing a biblical match game and pairing up animals. Coppess has St. Francis’ gift.
“It’s not difficult all,” Coppess said – about the game, not crushing me. “Y’know, it obviously wasn’t targeted at anyone over the age or 12 or something.”
The fact that the game was geared for kids half my age didn’t make it any easier to catch Coppess. I was only able to best the Methodist heathen in Jacob’s Ladder (hit the right combination of buttons to ascend a ladder into heaven) and Tower of Babel (destroy the most boxes on the tower ). Those wins came on the wings of true Christian values; I refused to tell him how to play them or what the objectives were.
While its cartoony graphics and religious subtext assure that the Bible Game isn’t for everyone – you’d think developers would capitalize on the Old Testament’s Judaism ties, but instead they slap a cross on the cover – its genuinely fun and easy gameplay mean anyone can hop in and have chance at being a Christian contender.
Would a Methodist version of the game be enough to get Coppess back into a pew?
“Nope,” he said.
