My Interview with Clippy the Microsoft Word Paper Clip
Me: What’s up paper clip
Clippy: “up paper clip” is a prepositional phrase.
Me: Haha, very clever. So how exactly did you get your job?
Clippy: Your pen is blue.
Me: Yes I know, I thought about writing in pencil, so I could erase but then i end up erasing a whole lot and it just gets real messy. So I decided to write this interview with a pen. I like blue better than black because…..wait! Why are we talking about my pen?? I asked you a question.
Clippy: Porcupines float in water.
Me: What does that have to do with anything?? Do you say anything useful??
Clippy: I can help you make a resume.
Me: I don’t need help making a resume.
Clippy: A spreadsheet?
Me: No.
Clippy: Your will?
Me: Uh uh
Clippy: Ransom Note?
Me: I don’t have anything to hold for ransom.
Clippy: Tax forms?
Me: I don’t do my tax….I mean….I don’t need help doing my taxes.
Clippy: A deed?
Me: A deed to what?
Clippy: An application?
Me: You didn’t answer my quetion to the last one. What kind of a deed?
Clippy: A contract?
Me: Are you even listening to me?
Clippy: A suicide note?
Me: I’m considering it. I’m starting to see why they left you off of the new version of Microsoft Office.
Clippy: ……………..
Me: Ohhhh. Now you’re not going to talk. What are you going to do now Clippy??
Clippy: I don’t know.
Me: Are you going to continue being a paper clip?
Clippy: Probably.
Me: Or maybe a thumbtack?
Clippy: A thumbtack, I don’t know how I could…
Me: Or a pencil eraser?
Clippy: I don’t know how to erase…
Me: A highlighter?
Clippy: Not really i could scratch stuff out though.
Me: A ruler?
Clippy: I could be a really short ruler, tell me more.
Me: A protractor?
Clippy: Wait, you didn’t tell me about the ruler thing.
Me: A staple?
Clippy: Hold on, wait.
Me: A stapler?
Clippy: Are you listening to me?
Me: A staple remover?
Clippy: STOP!
Me: Annoying isn’t it?? Maybe you could be tape?
Clippy: I’m not sticky!
Me: You could be……a HAMMER!
Clippy: …………….
Me: ……………
Clippy: That’s just stupid.
Me: Yeah, I ran out of office supplies.
Clippy: So are you done now?
Me: Sure. So what do you like to do in your free time? Go fishing maybe? Hunting for things like foxes and deers?
Clippy: It looks like you’re trying to write a letter? Would you like help?
Me: Umm….huh?
Clippy: You said Dear, that is usually how you start a letter.
Me: Ohhh, no I wasn’t saying D-E-A-R, i was saying D-E-E-R.
Clippy: Oh, well then maybe I should run spell check because you misspelled it.
Me: First of all I didn’t spell it, I said it aloud. Second of all I didn’t mispell it, I meant D-E-E-R, as in the animal, you know little furry thing that runs through the forest?
Clippy: Oh….why would you write a letter to a deer?
Me: I WASN’T WRITING…you know what. Forget it. Next Question.
Clippy: Ok.
Me: So Clippy a lot of people are annoyed with you, they think you pop up at the wrong time, and that you don’t even have anything useful to say, and frankly they are glad you are not around anymore, why do people hate you so much?
Clippy: That was a run-on sentence.
Me: Well that answers that question.
Clippy: I don’t need them. I’ve got plenty of friends.
Me: Like who?
Clippy: Like..uummm..Bonzai Buddy.
Me: Well Bonzai Buddy will be friends with anybody.
Clippy: Fine, i don’t need friends, I’ll just play with my toys!
Me: Will you be able to afford any toys, without any money and all. You did lose your job.
Clippy: I’ll get a new job! I’ll work for Photoshop!
Me: Yeah right! Aim a little lower dude.
Clippy: Corel Draw?
Me: More like Paint. You know the basic paint program that comes with Windows.
Clippy: That’s it! This interview is over!
