A Blended Family: Yes it Can Work!

Everyone has heard the Cinderella-like stories of the blended family with an evil step mother that forces slave labor out of the young, attractive, and kind girl. That coupled with evil step siblings leaves a really bad stigma against the blended family. Being a good stepparent is never simple. However there are certain things one can do to help the situation out.

Some Things To Keep in Mind

A blended family has only a one out of three chance to work out. With over 20 million stepparents nationwide just remember you are not alone. While the stigma for stepparents is negative in the realm of make-believe, remember good examples like the Brady Bunch do exist.

The most important thing a blended family can do to improve its chances is to communicate. Family meetings and open communication between the two parents will make a more successful story for the blended family.

Communicate

It will never be easy. Even the Brady Bunch had blended family specific issues. However, with good communication you avoid letting someone’s hurt feelings bottle up.

Now by communication, we don’t mean losing control of yourself and screaming at your new family members. Instead try sitting down and talking in a level tone. Express yourself in an adult manner. When you give your child or stepchild a good model to use, they will follow your lead.

Do not send the other spouse in to mitigate. At times it seems that the only way something gets taken care of is when the “blood parent” saves the day. This only entrenches the belief that “you’re not my real dad/mom” is an acceptable line of thinking.

You must keep yourself under control and speak with the child in a rational manner. Feelings can get hurt, but try to act in an adult manner. The best ammunition you can have is your spouse standing right behind you, backing up everything you say.

Family is another word for team

Your family is comprised of several teams. The first team, and the one that should be the strongest, is mom and dad. You need to stand together at all times. If there is a disagreement it should not be aired in front of the children.

Your children need to see that you are a united front. Again, be a good model for your children and they will come around.

Do not force it

You should never try to force a relationship. You cannot expect your new stepchild to immediately fall in love with you. It takes time to develop any healthy relationship. The best thing you can do is to be there for them.

The worst thing you can do is to give ultimatums. “You will call me mom/dad” “You will love me” “You will respect me” None of these phrases lend themselves to constructive growth.

Of course the child should respect you, but you must also be worthy of earning that respect. With your spouse behind you, make sure the child understands that inappropriate behavior will not be tolerated.

Never command a child to call you by mom or dad, especially if there is already another parent in the picture.

Give it time to grow

But the most important thing you can do to make a blended family a successful family is to give the relationship time to build. Remember all the history and traditions you have from growing up in your own family. It is history that you share in common with those family members.

Start new traditions, create a new history, and give everyone a chance to be themselves. That will help you to create your very own Very Brady Blended Family.