A Boring Afternoon: An Ode to Tofu
You came to me, a ball of white fur
Your breed and type, people cannot concur.
Chicken chimichanga was your very first meal
And that’s what jumpstarted your poultry zeal.
A blue cookie monster was your sleeping doll,
But it lasted just days, for your gnawed it to a troll.
You grew to be playful, handsome and all,
Until one day we noticed you only had one ball.
At first, I panicked, and rushed you to the vet,
“Your doggie’s a Uniball, no need to fret!”
Soon we discovered why you’re different from the pack,
Excitement and stress gave you nervous attack.
Its not very easy, looking after you
A couple of surgeries, loads of x-rays too
A Spitz, Poodle, and a dash of Shih Tzu
Recessive genes of each breed, manifested on you.
But this made me love you even all the more,
Your high maintenance health was never a chore.
You make up for it with your spirit and zest,
Despite the seizures and fat, you think youre better than the rest.
Do you remember, when you got everyone fooled,
Long ago at the Airport, where people cooed,
“How cute and fluffy! Ooh whats your dog’s name?”
They cannot see you were suspiciously too tame.
Little do they know that you were overdosed,
With a pet relaxant that is supposed,
To keep you shush and feeling alright,
On board an Airbus for a commercial flight.
Though college years almost wore me to pieces,
you saw it all-from mid-terms to thesis
You were the litmus test, because every guy,
Who showed loathe over you, was a sure “Goodbye!”
I want you to be celibate, and you understood,
Because now your desires are only for food.
You would jump, bounce, and even flip,
For a slice of your favorite Beggin’ Strip
You show your preference over almost all things,
I spoiled you too much, the king of kings.
Your all time favorite song to sleep on,
Is “Lay, Lady, Lay” by Bob Dylan.
You prefer the company of girls to guys,
And charm the ladies with your big brown eyes,
Time flies fast, I cannot say it more
You used to love playing, now you think it’s a bore.
When kids come over and shout “Tofu let’s play!”
You give me a knowing look and slowly crawl away
Because now you like silence, and conversation lines,
You listen to my ranting, and occasional whines.
A true companion, you really are,
Through laughter and tears, you’ve been there so far.
It amazes me so as to how we’ve both grown,
I was only eighteen, when I took you as my own
Though now I am married, not much has changed,
You’re still the little pharaoh, who’s never been laid.
Now to be really honest, I feel like a dweeb,
Writing all this drama, like hell you can read.
