A Christian Woman’s Guide to Grieving the Death of a Spouse

Issue: Death of a spouse.

Description: Counseling a woman after the death of her husband.

Overview:
Similar to when a woman loses her close friend, a woman who has lost her “best friend” can become angry with God, herself, and those around her. She has just lost someone who had been a deep and abiding part of her life. Genesis 2:23-24 says that, “they shall be one flesh”. The woman grieving the loss of her mate has literally lost a part of herself. In some cases, the woman had been married for many years and the thought of the rest of her life being lived out alone can be traumatizing-even to the point of death. A young wife, someone who has been married for fewer years, has the emotional ability and strength to deal with the death, which older women sometimes do not.

Dos:
–Do share with her the love of God. Share the Word of God with her. The Scriptures are the only thing on this earth capable of healing emotional and spiritual wounds. Not even ice cream can do that, no matter what some people say. If she is a believer, remind her that God is a gracious God, a Sovereign God who is in control of all things.

-If she is an unbeliever, do share with her the only source of hope in this dying world. Share the gospel with her.

–Do involve other women in her healing process. No one should have to grieve alone when there are godly people to step in a comfort her. It is important to enlist the aide of godly widows, women who have also lost a spouse and can show her godly maturity, compassion, and relief.

–Do allow her to grieve. It is important for her to grieve. Emotions are such an integral part of how God made women. For a woman to heal emotionally, she must experience healthy emotions first. Grief is natural. Christ, Himself, wept at the death of Lazarus in John 11:35.

Don’ts:
–Don’t downplay her grief. Remember that the death of her husband was like the loss of a limb. It is something that cannot be replaced in her heart.

–Don’t rush her through the grieving process. Allow her to grieve in her own time. If the Scriptures are being applied appropriately she will heal in time.

–Don’t try to set her up with men in the church. Death is not a joke; it isn’t to be taken lightly. The healing process is important; don’t hinder it with ungodly machinations and schemes.

Verses of Reference:

*Ephesians 1:11- All things work out according to God’s will. He isn’t surprised by death.
*Lamentations 3:31-33- The Lord brings grief at times, but He also shows mercy.
*Romans 14:8- In life and in death, we are the Lord’s. He is good, and He is faithful to those who love Him.
*Psalms 116:15- The death of God’s children is precious. He mourns with you.

Homework:
A woman, who has just lost a spouse, might not have the time to do much writing. It is still very important for her to read the Scriptures and meditate on them. Have her read the references provided and meditate on them. Have her find some of her own, and share with you how they apply to her and her situation. Have her take time out to speak with God and share with Him her heartache and sorrow, but she also needs to share with Him her hopes for the future. Have her pray for comfort, strength, provision and grace for her and for her family.