A Conversation Between a Social Worker, Foster Parent, and Foster Child
What the Foster Parent said:
Hi, Johnny, I am Linda. You can call me Aunt Linda, or grandma, or whatever you feel comfortable with. I am so glad to meet you! I have a bed just for you that you get to share with another boy close to your age. He is a foster child, too, so you will get along just fine. He’s 10, and you are 7, right? We are having pizza for dinner tonight, I hope you like it. Tomorrow I will take you to your new school where you will meet all kinds of new people and make new friends.
What Johnny said:
I like dogs. I like TV. I like to watch stuff on TV. Yes, I am 7. I like Pizza.
What the Social Worker didn’t say:
Johnny, why don’t you wait on the couch for just a minute while I talk to Linda. If you need me, I’ll be right here, I just need one minute, o.k.?
O.k. Linda, this is Johnny, he is 7 years old. He was removed from his mother for many reasons, most important being that his mother’s boyfriend sexually abused his 3-year-old sister and his mother just couldn’t believe it happened so she chose to stay with her boyfriend. So, to be cautious, watch him around the other kids because we don’t know if he was also abused. We don’t have any information on his father.
Johnny hasn’t been in school for over two months. I don’t know what grade he’s in, but he last went to ABC school. They should have his records. If not, the school here still must enroll him as AB490 indicates. If they give you any trouble, just give me a call.
He will need a CHDP physical and dental exam within the next 30 days. I will try to get his immunization record for you and a copy of his birth certificate, but it may take some time. I think he has lice, but you’ll need to take him to public health and have him checked.
Johnny is incredibly scared, as he has never spent a night away from his sister. He is really worried about her, so here is the telephone number to the foster home she is in. He can call her tonight to let her know he is o.k. and to hear that she is o.k. He shouldn’t have contact with any other family until we get more information.
Please make sure you validate his fears and reassure him that he is safe in your home. Make sure you don’t talk negatively about his parents. They are his family and all he has ever known and he doesn’t know or understand that what happened is not o.k.
Ask him questions about his likes and dislikes about food, TV, etc. so he can have some sense of control over his life.
You can reach me at this number tomorrow morning after 8 a.m., however, if you have any questions or concerns, call our after hours number at any time. The on call worker may not have any direct answers right away, but is there to support you and Johnny. Here is the after hours crisis number for the county mental health. Call them for assistance or advice if Johnny can’t calm down or stop crying.
Remember, Linda, he is a child who doesn’t understand what has just happened. It is up to all of us to work as a team to ensure his safety and that his needs are met.
What Johnny didn’t say:
I don’t know why I am here. I miss my mommy. I need her to tuck me in at night. I want to eat hamburgers and hot dogs with my mommy and sister. I really don’t like pizza. I want to watch Blue’s Clues on TV, not Spongebob. Will she yell at me when I pee the bed in her brand new bedroom? I don’t have any more clothes, so what will I do? I like dogs, but what if it bites me? What if her kids think I am weird or ugly? What if the social worker never comes back? What if Linda wants me to call her mom? What if the kids at school don’t like me because I’m new? I don’t even like school. Mommy never made me go because kids were mean to me. I’m scared and I just want to go home. What if I have a scary dream? Where is my sister? What if she has a scary dream and I am not there to make her not sad? What if I get this furniture all dirty? Will I get to play outside? What is foster care? Why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong? Doesn’t my mommy want me anymore?
What the Foster Parent didn’t say:
Is he aggressive? Does he have any sexual acting out behaviors? Is he o.k. around animals, I mean, we have a dog that is pretty oldâÂ?¦What grade is he in? What school did he go to? Do I need to take him to the doctor? Does he have Medi-Cal? What if he doesn’t, how do I get medical treatment for him? Can he call his mom? Does he stay dry all night? Is he allergic to any foods? I mean, this poor child has been dragged away from his world, everything he thought was rightâÂ?¦gone. He needs more than just a place to sleep, food to eat, clothes to wear, and an adult to watch him. He needs to know that parents don’t always do the right thing, but that they love their children anyway. He needs to know he isn’t the one to blame, that he is worthy. He needs to know his sister is not to blame and that she is also worthy.
Why am I foster parent? I had training and I have kids in my home before, but yet, somehow, I never know what to say or do when a child is brought to me. Will he hate me because he thinks I am trying to replace his mother? Will he be jealous of my own kids? Will he get in fights at school? Does it matter? No, it doesn’t because he didn’t do anything wrong and he deserves a chance. I will fight for his rights in school, and I will make sure he learns just how important he is in this world. I just need support from the social worker and I need as much information about Johnny as I can possibly get so I can take care of him and help him the best that I can. It is up to all of us to work as a team to ensure his safety and that his needs are met.
