A Guide to Self-Defense from Domestic Violence
Unfortunately, this is not an unusual occurrence in the United States of America. More than 32 million people in this country are affected by domestic violence, according to The Centers for Disease Control, and it shows no signs of slowing down.
Merely breaking up with an abusive man does not lessen the potential for abuse and, in some cases, matters may get worse. Abusive people are compelled by their aggressive nature to lash out when they feel rejected or enraged and it usually takes very little to aggravate them.
Don’t be caught with your defenses down!
If you find yourself in a similar situation or have a loved one or friend who is in this position, the following advice may help you or them to get help.
NEVER IGNORE VERBAL THREATS
Many times, women think a verbal threat is not serious and said just out of anger and frustration on the part of the man. That may be the case, in some circumstances, but it’s never wise to ignore the fact that somebody has made a vow to cause you bodily harm.
The cemetery is full of women who didn’t believe someone they loved or used to love would ever kill them, but it’s likely that, in the majority of cases, the abuser had already warned them beforehand.
If a direct threat has been made against you, call the police immediately to report it!
REMEMBER THAT NO MAN HAS A RIGHT TO PUT HIS HANDS ON YOU
Once a man has crossed the line and attacked you physically, this is usually the start of more-to-come.
While there are rare times when it really is a one time thing, in most situations, physical violence, such as hitting, pushing and punching continue to happen whenever the abuser gets upset by something.
He may apologize profusely, buy you gifts to make up, promise not to ever do it again or even make you feel that you’re the one responsible for having “made” him attack you, but don’t allow yourself to be swayed by this, especially if you are being abused on a regular basis.
No man has the right to put his hands on you!
If he does, the police should be called immediately and you should do what you can to get away from that person as soon as possible.
ALERT FAMILY AND FRIENDS IF YOU FEEL FRIGHTENED
Don’t make this your “little secret”. Let your family- mom, dad, sister, brother, etc. know that you are frightened of your spouse or partner and feel as though you are in danger. The probability is that they will not want you to remain in this situation and may even offer you a pl ace to stay until you can find an optional dwelling place. If your family is unresponsive, then let your friends know or even your employer.
Some women fail to disclose instances of domestic violence to others in their lives because they feel embarrassed or ashamed. You should never feel bad about exposing the actions of a man who is causing or threatening harm.
What’s important is that you make others aware of what is going on, so that you are not standing all alone. There is safety in numbers and more people who know about your dangerous circumstances, the more people you will have to look out for you.
CHANGE ALL LOCKS AND GET AN ALARM SYSTEM
If your abusive former spouse or boyfriend has moved out, get the locks changed right away.
Don’t depend on the fact that he may have given you back all house or apartment keys, as copies could very easily have been made by him. Take the initiative and safeguard yourself from the possibility of having him get back in to your home with old keys.
You may also want to follow that by getting an alarm system. While ADT and similar services offer installations of alarm systems for security, their cost is not in everybody’s financial range. Also, if you live in an apartment, they may not allow you to have an alarm system put in. If that’s the case, there are products you can purchase where a small device can be placed on doors and windows. They will go off if someone whenever someone tries to enter.
Do what you have to do to be as protected as possible.
LEARN SELF DEFENSE OR GET SELF-DEFENSE PRODUCTS
A good way to fight being victimized is to find ways to defend yourself.
Take a self defense class. Call your local YWCA or community college to see if a class is offered and sign up for it.
If that isn’t feasible for you, purchase some self-defense products, such as pepper sprays, stun guns, etc. to help you protect yourself.
Do whatever is needed to keep from being vulnerable to your abuser. Most men who commit domestic abuse thrive on the helplessness of their victim.
Take charge of your own safety, if possible, and learn how to fight back effectively.
NEVER ALLOW YOUR ABUSER TO COME TO YOUR HOME WITHOUT OTHERS BEING PRESENT
In cases where children are involved and it is necessary for your ex-spouse or boyfriend to come to your home for the purpose of picking them up for visitation, never allow him into your home or onto the premises without there being at least one other person present.
MOVE TO A SAFE HOUSE OR SHELTER FOR DOMESTIC ABUSE VICTIMS IF YOU NEED TO
Sometimes, in spite of all you do to safeguard yourself, it isn’t enough.
The sad fact is that law enforcement and the courts sometimes drop the ball as far as domestic violence is concerned. If you don’t have a support system, you will be even more at risk.
Most areas of the country have hotlines you can call if you are in fear of a domestic violence incident from your present or former partner.
Call that number as soon as possible if you feel you are in danger of being assaulted or killed. Ask if there any places you (and your children, if you have any) can go, where you can stay anonymously until the threat of danger has subsided.
Perhaps they can help you find resources to relocate to another area, city or state. If they provide counseling services, please use them.
LAST, BUT NOT LEAST …DON’T BE SUCKERED INTO TAKING YOUR ABUSER BACK
As difficult as it seems to understand, some women actually consider taking their abusers back.
The man in question may claim that he’s changed or promise to get help. He may even treat you wonderfully for awhile, in order to get back into your good graces or make you feel guilty for “breaking up the home”.
Never, never, never go back to a man who has beaten and threatened you. To do so could be a deadly mistake.
WHATEVER YOU DECIDE TO DO … PLEASE GET HELP!
