A Hint of Heaven and the Dance of Life

It’s a warm, sunny day with a light breeze, much like it was 15 years ago; the last day my dad walked the earth, and the last day I looked at life with innocence and expected that loved ones would go on forever. They do, but not here.

Most days I think of my dad here and there and always miss him but the pain is less searing than it used to be and that’s because of acceptance. Last night and this morning, the pain of his absence is not so much intense as it is engulfing, a slow simmer of grief that never reaches a full boil.

For years I felt as if I had a few crumbs of happiness on a plate of despair, never realizing the other blessings in my life. God didn’t take from me and leave me with nothing. When He took my dad home, where he needed to go, He brought Brian into my life and with Brian we created three beautiful children; the cycle of love continued…

I used to fantasize about what could have been but I fantasize no longer. Even if my dad had the chance to come back, he wouldn’t. Who would exchange bliss for a world in decay? Who would reject the companionship of Jesus Christ for the indifference of people on earth?

For as much as I love my dad, I wouldn’t be so selfish as to have him back and that’s because I love him that much.

I thank God Almighty we can’t see the eternal world because people wouldn’t want to live on earth. In other words, the measure of love and beauty that can be found here is only magnified to endless perfection in Paradise.

Not knowing Heaven, while we walk the earth, is merciful…

Vividly, I remember that Friday night on March 1st 1991. I cradled my dad’s head and thought I wouldn’t survive his passing because my heart felt as fractured as his was physically. I told myself that separation isn’t forever, just for a little while. We can endure the few years we have on earth, compared to time without end when our real lives begin.

What’s less than a century of life here on earth compared to living forever?

Leaving our earthly bodies behind is the one thing we all have in common but what we take with us is the love and connection we have with others.

My dad and I were very connected and I still remember when his soul passed through mine. I felt him go, but he was free.

Whatever blue skies are here to give us peace, imagine what it’s like in a world without end…

I no longer live in the past like I used to, but, from time to time, I remember, and sometimes I cry and other times I smile. This reminds me of something I once read; I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.

…And how true that is.

The dance of life creates memories that are never forgotten but it’s the little things in life that we take with us and sometimes those ‘little things’ help sustain us when we don’t think we can go on.

God loved me enough to bring that wonderful, beautiful man into my life and there was much happiness, much love, and even several tears when we didn’t always understand each other but we were a family of the heart and we will be again.

I can embrace and love the family I have and know that somewhere else, I have a continuation of that family, waiting, and that gives me something to look forward to.