A Look at the Different Types of Families in America

Mom stays at home to cook, clean, and care for the children. Dad goes off to work every morning as the sole bread-winner of the household. Their children, Bobby and Jane, are well-behaved kids who always do their schoolwork on time. This is a picturesque 1950’s scenario of the perfect American household- a white, heterosexual married couple with two children. After fifty years, this perfect family seems to have vanished. Today, families that come in all shapes and sizes are much more accepted in our culture than in the past. America’s definition of a family has changed to include different situations like grandparents raising kids, single-parent families, homosexual parent families, interracial families, adoptive families, and more. This has come to be the norm because less than one-fourth of households in the United States conform to the typical model of a married couple with at least one child under 18 (Frey 17). So which is a better environment for bringing up children – a traditional two parent family or a non-traditional mix we often see today? Although nothing can replace the importance of a traditional two-parent household, a non-conventional family has its advantages too. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t always take a traditional mother and father to make a happy and healthy environment. The accurate measure of a true family is how much love a child is given by his/her caretakers (family related or not) and the love that he/she gives in return.

With half of all marriages in the United States ending up in divorce, countless children are left with a mother or a father to look after them (Hahn 499). Although one parent can never fully take the place of two, there are certain advantages to single parenting that are often overlooked. If there is always conflict and screaming and yelling in the house before the divorce when both parents lived together, the stress that is lifted from a child after a divorce can be a huge relief (Duncan). When there are problems that need addressed between the parents, the child’s personal needs often suffer. Sometimes after a lengthy or difficult divorce, children are in need of the extra attention, reassurance, and love from the parent. Family becomes the top priority of a single-parent and much focus is placed on being the best parent they can be. The parent often works very hard at their job and takes pride in the fact that they are the sole income for the family, although finances are still usually a struggle. Children of single parents are often more involved in decision-making within the household because the single parent will rely more heavily on them to carry out daily chores (Duncan). This gives the child a sense of responsibility and importance within the family. A young person living with one parent may feel more needed and valued around the house because there are less people to fulfill vital responsibilities.

But the child is not the main person in the family who may benefit from single-parenting. The parent will be forced to take on new responsibilities that once could have been handled by the other parent (Duncan). For example, a father may learn to become more sensitive and a better listener when dealing with his teenaged daughter’s adolescence. Qualities such as good listening skills and compassion are a few characteristics that men are lacking because these situations have always been handled by women. While there is no substitute for having both parents around, sometimes depending on the situation, single parenting can be the best alternative for the family.
In some families, Grandma and Grandpa are synonymous with Mommy and Daddy. Situations often arise that prevent a child’s natural parents from raising them in a traditional family scenario. Whether it’s a serious physical illness like cancer, or a psychological disorder like depression, sometimes Mom and Dad just don’t qualify as the best people to parent. This is happening much more than people think. As of 1993, 5 percent, or 3.4 million children under the age of 18 were being brought up by their grandparents (Forbes). Grandparents have the experience and knowledge of many years of parenting under their belts. They also have the advantage that they are blood-related to the child and should automatically have a connection with the child. Many older people feel that after their own children are raised, they have no purpose for living anymore and are a burden to society. By bringing up another young child, grandparents will retain their youth and- stay active (Forbes). It gives them a sense of satisfaction they are often missing in their lives (Forbes). Some may argue that grandparents are too outdated and behind the times to bring up young children. But it’s very unlikely Mom and Dad were ever “cool” and up on the times in a child’s eyes. Furthermore, people are living longer lives than they ever have in the past, making the chance of a grandparent’s early death when the child is young, very rare. A meaningless number like a person’s age should never be a factor in deciding how capable someone is in caring for a child.

Some families consist of individuals who are not related to each other at all. These are the types of families that have the most difficulty being accepted in our culture. One type is one in which two homosexual males or females decide to have children and start their own family. Although homosexuals are no less qualified to be loving and nurturing parents than heterosexuals, this topic has still been subject to much debate. Twenty-two states have granted adoption rights to gay and lesbians, but states like Florida and New Hampshire make it illegal for such couples to adopt (ACLU). Their reasons for the law include absurd ideas like the child may become gay, he/she may be subject to cruelty from peers, or the child may become further behind in school than children their own age. But these reasons have no validity or proof to back them up. The law goes on to say a child of a gay couple may be molested by parents and he/she will be brought up in an immoral environment (ACLU). All of these assumptions are false. Not one study has found that children are in any way further behind than their peers because of their parent’s sexual orientation (ACLU). Sexual preference has no influence on parenting skills. It also has no influence on whether the child will become homosexual. It may be true that the child of homosexual parents will grow up more tolerant to diversity, which is never a bad quality. Some may grow up and become homosexuals, just like some children of heterosexuals will become homosexuals. As for being the target of ridicule by their peers, this is all a part of childhood. Children make fun of other children for a variety of different reasons and they always will; this cannot be stopped. But if the child is raised in a loving and stable home, homosexual or not, they will have the self-confidence and strength to ignore the insecure remarks of their peers. There is also no evidence that links homosexuals to pedophilia, so the argument of a child being molested by his/her parents should be thrown out (ACLU). In fact, ninety percent of child abuse is committed by heterosexual men (ACLU). A study was done that showed in 269 cases of child abuse only 2 were committed by homosexuals (ACLU). With all this being said, it’s unreasonable for people to label gay parents unfit to start a family. Millions of orphaned children are awaiting good households and to deny them loving homes based on the couple’s sexual orientation is completely illogical.

People are starting to realize and accept the idea that gays and lesbians can be just as good at raising a child as straight parents. “The trend is turning in favor of gay families,” said Lisa Bennett, head of FamilyNet, the Human Rights Campaign Foundation’s gay families project. “There’s been incredible progress this yearâÂ?¦it’s absurd to deny kids a loving home because both parents happen to be the same sex” (“Gay” 13). Even still, heterosexual and homosexual parents seem to have more similarities than not (King 335). But when there were differences found, the gay couples seemed to have the advantage in that they were more responsive to their children, more child-oriented, and more democratic in their sharing of the household work between partners (King 335). The bottom line is that it doesn’t matter if a parent is gay, lesbian, black, white, or polka-dotted. It’s the nurturing and caring that make a family relationship ideal for raising kids.
Another family in which there is no blood relation to each other is an adoptive family. Just because two people have the same family tree does not automatically mean they are a loving family. Of course, in the biological sense they are related, but in some circumstances, they will never be a true family. Many times children are adopted into different households because their parents could not care for them. Adoption is a fairly new concept in the United States (Ruark 12). In colonial times, children were often taken into the family for extra help on the farm, but not legally adopted. Not until the 1920’s and 1930’s were children adopted for sentimental reasons like seeking a child to love (Ruark 12). A 1997 survey found that 6 in 10 Americans have an adopted family member or close friend, had adopted a child, or placed a child up for adoption (Ruark 12). With 20,000 or more babies being adopted every year in the United States, it has certainly become a family situation that is accepted in our culture (Carney).

Some say that adoptees are not as well adjusted as their peers who were not adopted (Carney). This is false. Studies show that children from both types of families perform equally well in school and get along with others (Carney). Adopted adolescents have positive self-images and are usually more attached to their adoptive parents. This study rules out the notion that adoptive parents do not have strong bonds with their children (Carney). There are many myths that suggest that open adoption (contact with birthparents) is confusing for children (Carney). Most children understand that their birthmother gave them life, and their adoptive families take care of them and give them love. A child’s real family has become their adoptive family. It is possible that he or she was loved so much by their biological parents that they did the most caring gesture by letting someone else be the child’s mom and dad. Of course there will always be a bond between birthmother and child, but sometimes it is not the most appropriate family for the child. Adoption should not be seen as throwing away a child, but giving the child an opportunity to live.

What really makes up a family is not simply the people who gave you life. It’s not even the people who gave you a name. A family is a group of people who live together and love and support each other regardless if there is only one parent, if the parents are gay, or if the children are not even blood-related to the parents. One type of family is not better than the other, just different. This very broad definition of a family has come to include and accept many unconventional families.

WORKS CITED

ACLU Fact Sheet: Overview of Lesbian and Gay Parenting, Adoption and Foster Care.
6 April 1999. American Civil Liberties Union Freedom Network. 6 May 2003. .

Carney, Eliza Newlin. The Truth About Domestic Adoption. Adoptive Families.
4 May 2003 .

Duncan, Steven. The Unique Strengths of Single-Parent Families. 20 Dec. 1995.
Montana State University Communications Center. 4 May 2003. .

Forbes, Beth. More Grandparents Take on Role of Ã?¯Ã?¿Ã?½Parents’ to Grandchildren.
Purdue News. (November 1997). 8 June 2003 .

Frey, William H. “Married With Children.” American Demographics. (March 2003).
6 May 2003 .

“Gay Families Go Mainstream.” Advocate. (Oct. 2002). 6 May 2003 .

Hahn, Dale B. and Wayne A. Payne. Understanding Your Health. 7th ed. Boston: McGraw Hill, 2002.

King, Beverly R. “I Have a Mommy, a Daddy, and a Barbara: The Psychology of Parenting as a Lesbian or a Gay Man.” Journal of Sex Research 4 (Nov. 2002). 6 May 2003 .

Ruark, Jennifer K. “What Makes a Family?” Chronicle of Higher Education.
(Oct. 2002). 6 May 2003 .

ACLU Fact Sheet: Overview of Lesbian and Gay Parenting, Adoption and Foster Care.
6 April 1999. American Civil Liberties Union Freedom Network. 6 May 2003. .
Lengthy article giving facts on legal rights of gay parents in various states and addressing common misconceptions the public may have about homosexuals in general and homosexuals seeking to adopt.

Carney, Eliza Newlin. The Truth About Domestic Adoption. Adoptive Families.
4 May 2003 .
Article debunks six common myths concerning domestic adoption in the United States using logic and statistics to support the argument.

Duncan, Steven. The Unique Strengths of Single-Parent Families. 20 Dec. 1995.
Montana State University Communications Center. 4 May 2003. .
Condensed argument with seven rational reasons on why single-parenting may possibly strengthen a child’s character and improve their lifestyle.

Frey, William H. “Married With Children.” American Demographics. (March 2003).
6 May 2003 .
Short article concerning the downfall of the traditional family since the 1960’s and gives basic information on the trends in U.S. households.

“Gay Families Go Mainstream.” Advocate. (Oct. 2002). 6 May 2003 .
Personal look at a family with gay parents in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania analyzes the reaction of a supreme court ruling that ruled in favor or same-sex parents.

Hahn, Dale B. and Wayne A. Payne. Understanding Your Health. 7th ed. Boston: McGraw Hill, 2002.
Text book that makes reference to America’s slowly increasing divorce rate.

King, Beverly R. “I Have a Mommy, a Daddy, and a Barbara: The Psychology of Parenting as a Lesbian or a Gay Man.” Journal of Sex Research 4 (Nov. 2002).
6 May 2003 .
Review of the book Ã?¯Ã?¿Ã?½The Gay Baby Boom: The Psychology of Gay Parenthood’ that deals with research about the theory in developmental psychology on factors that affect parenting skills.

Ruark, Jennifer K. “What Makes a Family?” Chronicle of Higher Education.
(Oct. 2002). 6 May 2003 .
A historian traces popularity and public perspective of adoption in the United States and the U.S. Government’s intrusions on adoptive families.