A Subversive Attack on Success: How to Feel Good About Being a Nobody
I have to admit something. I stole a portion of this article’s title, namely the “subversive attack on success” part from one of the guys who reviews films for CNN. He was reviewing “Little Miss Sunshine” and called it a “subversive attack on success.” I like that phrase a lot, but it should be noted that I could have heard him wrong; he might not have said that at all. In fact, maybe I created, maybe I’m a somebody after all.
Okay, let’s get on with it. No introduction, this is just a list of things called, How to Feel Good about Being a NobodyâÂ?¦
1. START A BLOG
This is what I did. I am a college graduate who’s been forced by way of poverty to crawl back home to his parents after living on his own for years. I’ve got no job, no income and for the most part, no life, but I can still write about things online! Doing this will make you feel good about yourself and you can even trick yourself into thinking that people are enjoying what you write, it’s great!
2. GET DRUNK
Getting drunk should have probably been #1, but hindsight is 20/20. There is no better medicine for feeling bad about being a nobody then good old-fashioned, American alcohol. A friend from high school called it “pain go bye-bye juice.” So don’t hesitate, there are a million ways to embrace alcoholism. You could be the classic wino, the case of beer a night guy, Mr. Jim Beam or the handle of vodka crazy man; you just don’t know it yet.
3. WREAK HAVOC
Do you really want to get back at all those corporate suits that keep stealing the girl who doesn’t know she should be your girlfriend? You do, don’t you. Well I’ve got some payback for you to unleash, and it’s spelled A-N-A-R-C-H-Y. That’s anarchy in case you had a hard time reading between the dashes. A couple of simple havoc wreaking tools are A) ripping the wipers off BMWs and Mercedes, B) throwing your drink on somebody wearing a tie, and C) punching anyone who tries to talk to the girl who doesn’t know she should be your girlfriend squarely in the jaw. (NOTE: Not only do I actually have a girlfriend, but I also don’t actually advocate anything on that last list there, okay?)
4. KILL YOURSELF
This one is the ultimate “fuck you.” Nothing says, “I am so cool with being a nobody” then shooting yourself in the face. You’ll show them. What are you waiting for?
5. DON’T REALLY KILL YOURSELF
What are you nuts man, I was kidding. Put the gun down, it’s going to be all right. I heard Blockbuster is hiring. Yeah, they are, I think you can apply online.
