A Two-Week Guide to Getting Over a Breakup
There are certain stages we all have to go through after a break up and, like it or not, that slump is one of those stages. No one wants to wallow in it, especially if the slump is due to some unworthy jerk who really isn’t worth it. The truth is though, that sometimes we have to wallow and work our way out of that slump naturally.
It’s like the grief you felt when your new car got it’s first scratch or that promotion you wanted went to someone way less qualified than you. The hurt of a broken relationship can be earth shattering. Go ahead and sulk. Rant and rave and throw a few things. Wallow in that slump until you hit rock bottom. When the earth stops shaking and you are able to see a light at the end of the tunnel then you can begin to remember what a fabulous, sexy, exotic creature you are. That is when you can start living well and getting your revenge. Who knows, you might even find someone to get under!
What I hope this article will do is help you through that emotional slump and assist you in finding your way back to the land of the living. Use my suggestions and it won’t be long before he will be out of mind, as well as out of sight.
First thing, buy yourself a journal. A pretty, feminine, decorative journal to keep track daily with your emotional healing. Your first entry on Day one should be the good-bye letter. Be sure to make it a good letter. Highlight your attributes and all his negative character flaws. Be sure to tell him how much better life has become and how thankful you are that he had the insight to know you deserved better than him. Keep this letter, don’t send it, you will want to check back at the end of your journey and see just how truthful your feelings were at that time of such pain.
Day two , why not make a list of all the things he will miss about you? Your sparkling smile, your quick wit, that deep throaty laugh or the way you loved watching football with the guys. Maybe your oatmeal raison cookies that he used to love so much. Or, how about your sexual prowess and how he really used to make your motor hum. Don’t forget all those dinners and movies you paid for and how you would clean his place for him. You know, make it a long list of things he will miss about you today, tomorrow and every day after.
Day three , go to Victoria’s Secret and drop a wad of cash on some brand new single girl undies. Nothing makes a girl feel better than knowing she looks good “under there.” Go through that underwear drawer and get rid of all the undies he loved, especially any that he gave you. If he liked lacy boy panties, buy yourself some white cotton thongs. If he bought you smutty; Frederick’s of Hollywood, toss it and buy yourself something tasteful in pink or purple. You get what we are doing here? Let’s get him out of your drawers, figuratively and literally and make it all about you and what you feel good in, “under there.”
Day four , make a list of things you can do this week to help you feel good fast. Things like an all girl weekend, doing nothing but shopping, eating and bashing the guys. Maybe join an online dating service. Create a seductive profile and come home from work every night to an inbox full of ego boosting emails. Take a class and learn how to pole dance. Feel good about being able to take into your next relationship something that fool will never have the pleasure of experiencing. Take a trip to your local sex shop and check out all the new gadgets. Believe me, anything you purchase will more than pay for itself within a week.
Day five , make a list of every argument you two had and why you were right every time. Like the time he wanted to go to his mother’s for Mother’s Day and you wanted to hit the new, hot club in town. Imagine, choosing his mother over dancing with you!! What a momma’s boy!!
Day six , call all those girlfriends you have neglected during the relationship and catch up on their lives. Be sure to avoid talking about who you aren’t seeing, diets, debt or how bad life is. Keep it upbeat and make some fun plans for the future.
Day seven , buy yourself something frivolous. Something you know he would roll his eyes at and consider a waste of money. Go for that new pair of pink mules, maybe a sapphire toe ring, an expensive new watch, anything just as long as it is over-priced and impulsive.
Day eight , burn yourself a new CD to listen to. Make sure it is filled with songs that empower you, songs that you can move to, find comfort in. Stuff like Lara Fabian’s I Will Love Again. There is always the old country classic called Thank God and Greyhound You’re Gone. Songs you can belt out in the car or shower, songs that feed your heart and spirit.
Day nine , make a list of all the red flags you missed in the relationship. Stuff like how all of his ex girlfriends were responsible for the breakups. The fool just couldn’t take responsibility could he? How about how he was always late for a date but always managed to turn it around and blame it on you some how. A sure fire passive/aggressive!
Day ten , go on a bender. If you aren’t driving then go for it and tie on a good one. It will temporarily relieve the pain and you can get real creative with the Apple Schnapps and vodka. Better yet, why not cold beer straight out of the bottle since it was his opinion that a real lady would never drink beer from the bottle.
Day eleven , find any t-shirts or boxer shorts he might have left behind and tear them into rags. Take the rags, some yarn, buttons and feathers and whip up a voodoo doll. Make it as ugly as possible and give it a good, hard poke every time thoughts of him invade your mind.
Day twelve , Find a quiet place in your home to create an alter for you and you alone to go to so thoughts can be collected and thanks can be given for the chance to start fresh. Grab an old trunk, a small table or even an old shoebox and cover it with a frilly scarf, top it off with candles, photos of yourself and calming scenery, small trinkets like your favorite piece of jewelry. Sit at your alter daily and meditate on what you want your life to be. Use visualization to imagine a full rewarding life without the jerk.
Day thirteen , host a Sex in The City marathon or, even better a sex toy party. Get your girlfriends together and put on a little raunchy attitude. Get in the right frame of mind as far as men go and what they are good for. Take emotions out of the game and work toward learning how to use them and loose them!
Day fourteen , make a list of the top 10 “must haves,” of your next boyfriend. Things like financial viability, the ability to slap a noun and a verb together and come up with a sentence, big hands and feet, a vacation home in the islands. It doesn’t matter which islands, any old island will do. Just make sure he is worth your time and effort the next time around.
I’m sure you are getting the idea aren’t you? I will leave you to fill out the rest of your journal on your own. Be sure to be creative and don’t ever forget what an exotic, fabulous woman you are and before long you will find yourself back in the swing of things. In no time at all he will not only be out of your life, but out of your heart as well.
