AIDS Activist Joshua Montgomery: Living and Loving HIV Positive
“My priorities in life are: my recovery, my husband and my job, in that order,” he said. “Why? Because if I’m not clean and sober, I don’t care about my job, my husband or my health, so recovery has to be my number one priority.”
Montgomery’s answers lengthened as he relaxed. Thinking ahead to World AIDS Day, observed on December 1, Montgomery talked about being HIV positive, his life with long-time partner Tom Wilson, 51, “his kids” from the youth group at the nonprofit Las Vegas Gay and Lesbian Center and his commitment to HIV prevention.
“I’m grateful that I’m HIV positive because before I was diagnosed I really had no self-esteem; I was a dope-fiend and a dope dealer and I was in and out of jail,” Montgomery said. “When I was diagnosed with HIV (in 1997), it turned my life around.”
Montgomery said the diagnosis didn’t shock him; it gave him a reality-check that has helped him stay drug-free and sober for the past eight years.
“I still go to AA meetings,” he added. “I’m sponsoring four people here in Las Vegas and two more back in San Diego, and I also have a sponsor.”
A few months after discovering he was HIV positive and going sober, Montgomery met Wilson, who has been HIV positive for about 15 years. They had a commitment ceremony on June 12, 1998.
“Both of our moms gave us away, we had six groomsmen and about 200 guests,” Montgomery said with a smile. “If it wasn’t for him and his support of my decision to go back to school, I wouldn’t be who I am today, I am the happiest that I have ever been in my life.”
In 2003, Montgomery became a California-certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor in San Diego.
The couple moved to Las Vegas about two years ago and Montgomery began working at The Las Vegas Gay and Lesbian Center as an HIV prevention coordinator thanks to a partnership between the Center for Disease Control and the Clark County Health District.
He soon became an active and visible member of the local gay community. He coordinated the past two annual Gay Proms for local high school students, he’s put together several successful fundraisers for The Las Vegas Gay and Lesbian Center and until a few months ago he was a member of the Southern Nevada Association of Pride, Inc., which organizes the annual Las Vegas Gay Pride celebration. Montgomery also won “Sexiest Leatherman” at the Badlands bar last summer and was voted QVegas Magazine Sexiest Bear of 2003.
He recently had to slow down after a spider bite developed into a serious infection that put him in the hospital for about a week.
“I have so many more lives to touch and so many dreams to accomplish,” Montgomery said. “I have to slow down right now but I won’t allow myself to be a victim. My best advise (for people who are HIV positive) is to not allow yourself to continue being a victim, take responsibility for your own life and look forward.”
Montgomery said he developed two new projects while he was in the hospital.
“In the next couple of years I want to go back to school to become a nurse, I want to work at an AIDS ward,” Montgomery said. “And I want to put together a meal delivery service with my kids from (the youth) group.”
Under Montgomery’s new HIV prevention program, youth group members would become UMC volunteers, delivering food and interacting with the patients at the AIDS ward.
“I think it will be an eye-opener to many of the kids who think: “I’m only 14 or 15 years old, I can do whatever I want and I won’t die,”” Montgomery said. “Before I got clean and sober, I calculated that I slept with about 1,500 men by the time I was 23. I thought I was one of those unique, invincible people who would never get AIDS.”
Montgomery shares leadership of the youth group with long-time organizer Antioco Carrillo of the Community Counseling Center. The group has about 45 members, ranging in ages between 13 and 23.
“Some of them love to sneak into the bars,” Montgomery said. “I’m hoping this group shows them that they can be part of the ‘gay scene’ in a positive way.”
Movie nights, field trips, guest speakers, HIV prevention workshops and educational panels are regular group activities, he added.
“We have two HIV prevention classes per month but we also have talks about body image and social issues,” he said. “It’s important to talk about body image when you talk about HIV prevention because some kids have the attitude that they’re ugly or they’re fat, so might as well have sex with a certain person, or agree to certain types of sex, because they think: “That’s all I’m going to get.””
Montgomery learned that lesson the hard way.
“What I’ve learned since I found out that I’m HIV positive is that I might not like how I look, but I definitely like the person I’ve become,” Montgomery said. “I’m still bold, fat and ugly but it changed my perspective and it gave me hope.”
