Accidental Fires and What to Do for the Child that Started it
Upon living through the fire, and all that goes with it: realizing the house is burning, rushing to get family members and animals out, finding out the extent of the damage the next day – the child will soon learning that the fire was his or her fault.
No matter how the child learns, either by reading the fire marshal’s report, or by being told, it is a massive blow that may not be evident right away. Some children hide their feelings and react later. Others cry or deny, but regardless, eventually the child must deal with the facts, in his own mind.
It might be a good idea to take the child to a psychologist. Knowing that he set the fire is tormenting enough, but if he happened to set it by doing something knowingly wrong, such as smoking, it’s an even more difficult realization. If pets or family members died in the fire, the effect on the child is even more severe. And, later, when everyone begins talking about the things they’ve lost, the devastation just piles higher on the child’s shoulders.
A child that has been through the ordeal of causing a fire can act out in many different ways. He may become withdrawn and rarely speak. His grades might fall at school. He may become angry and hurtful, or he might even entertain thoughts of suicide.
It’s important that the child understand that the fire was an accident, even if it was the result of smoking or playing with fire. Family members need to be reminded to never be accusatory when discussing the fire. Placing blame will not diminish the results of the fire, but will lend towards emotional and psychological upset for the child – maybe forever. Try to mourn your losses of personal items when the child is not around.
A psychologist that has previously dealt with accidental fires, set by a child, is a good choice. The psychologist will initially speak to the child then decide how many sessions, per week, he should be seen. The psychologist will try to help the child come to terms with the fire. He will work with him to overcome guilt, shame, embarrassment and other emotions the child may be feeling.
Losing your home to a fire is a horrible thing, but when a child starts the fire, that’s even more devastating. While trying to deal with your own losses, try to help your child in any way you can. Get him good counseling and reassure him that no one is mad at him or her. The fire can’t be undone but the damage to the heart and soul of the child can be diminished.
