Adoption Criteria in North Carolina

Thinking of adopting a child? That’s the easy part. It’s true that laws have changed around the world and now single people, gay couples and even persons with disabilities can adopt but the process continues to be lengthy. Previous North Carolina criteria required adoptive parents to own a home or have a high income. Potential parents, in the past, had to prove that they were almost perfect in order to finally have a child. Not true today. Generally speaking most agencies would prefer couples to be married at least a couple of years before adoption. Perfect age groups for adoption are between the ages of 25 and 45 with at least one parent being stable in employment. North Carolina agencies usually require you to be schooled, have a good job and a positive attitude.

Different adoption agencies have different requirements. Whereas one agency will rarely consider giving a child to a couple who could have a child on their own, other agencies see no problem with this. A particular agency might require that one parent be in the home for at least six months after the adoption, other agencies do not demand this stipulation. Reasonably speaking, be prepared to show that your income is sufficient to keep your entire family cared for, but not necessarily extravagantly. You should be able to show that you are healthy and mentally stable. And you should be prepared for the agency to look extensively into your background and that of your spouse. Things like prison records or institutional stays will come to light and may prevent you from becoming an adoptive parent. Be honest with the agency about your past mistakes and don’t allow them to find out through investigation.

A good place to start when serious about adoption is with an assessment of yourself. You and your spouse should write down why you want to adopt and how badly do you want a child? A question in particular to ask is what if I couldn’t have a baby? Would I still take an older child? If the answer is “probably not” you may be in love with the idea of a baby, not a child. An adopted baby will eventually grow up and become a child, teen, then an adult. Are you prepared for this or do you simply love the idea of having a cute little baby boy or girl?

Definitely ask yourself if the baby is wanted equally by you and your spouse or whether one of you is pushing the adoption more than the other. Is one of you the type who needs a lot of attention? If so, there might not be room for a baby in the house without leaving the person constantly longing for the attention which is now given to the baby. Consider whether you would feel the same about the baby if it happens to be born with a disability such as blindness, deafness or even a club foot. Would you be able to love a baby like this? Not that you have to take such a child but if you answer “no”, are you really ready to be a parent? No one knows what life holds for a child and an accident or illness could leave your child in a not-so-perfect state. Could you still love the child? These are real questions to consider before starting the adoption process.

In all honesty, do you feel as though you have a very stable relationship with each other? This is an extremely important question that must be answered honestly. If the relationship eventually ends, what will happen to the child? Who will keep the baby? Who will only have visitation rights? Talk about these things, even if you feel like your relationship will last forever. Would you tell the child if he or she is adopted? When?

Decide if your income will allow one of you to be home with the child for awhile after the adoption. Know in advance an approximate cost for the adoption papers and other costs. Be sure that these expenses and temporary loss of income will not leave you in a hardship. Be as frank and honest with yourself and each other as possible during the assessment.

If the decision is made to continue on with the adoption contact the North Carolina Department of Social Services for help in finding the right agency or avenues. Prepare for much paperwork, interviews, personal questions, releasing personal documents, having a physical, having people drop by your home unannounced and taking mental aptitude tests. Practice being a parent and volunteer to babysit friends’ kids. Try various ages to get a feel for what it’s like to reason with uncooperative children or tolerate outbursts and crying. If all goes well don’t count on it going that way once your baby arrives. New babies often cry all night then sleep during the day and as they grow older, even more troubles arise.

Keep in mind that there could be several “near adoptions” where the agency thinks they might have a baby to place with you but at the last minute it is given to a different couple. This can be disheartening and can happen several times. Don’t let it destroy you or keep you so emotionally distraught that it begins to effect your health. The right baby will come along and it will be your baby. Read more about adoption and learn as much as you can before going forward with the process.