Advice on Parent-Teacher Conferences From a Veteran Teacher
When I first stepped in front of a classroom twelve years ago, I was quite certain I was completely unprepared for the job. It took all of my energy to keep just one step ahead of my students. It wasn’t that I didn’t know the material but rather that I wasn’t sure how to convey it. I like to talk and my stories seemed to interest some of the seventh through twelfth graders I saw every day, but it was quite obvious that many of them were bored to death. I made up games, came up with overhead lessons, lectured, read to them, and gave out projects.
But it was really only through trial and error that I began to understand the art that is teaching. And what I discovered was that being secure in my own ability and knowledge was half the battle. As I came to realize that I did indeed know more about world history, geography and civics than my students did I also felt more comfortable in letting them discuss and question what we were learning. This was fine in all but one class: a leftover junior high 8th period charmer called euphemistically “study skills”.
The seventh graders assigned to this class hated it almost as much as I did. They came from P.E. to a class where they had to work on how to take tests and notes, read diligently and study carefully. They were wild. I have since discovered, of course, that whoever created a junior high schedule in which study skills follows P.E. is an idiot and that having a novice teacher teach it was equally ridiculous. But now knowing then what I know now, I was stuck. So I eventually created this plan whereby students were given five points a day just for behaving. If they acted up they lost points. By the time mid-term rolled around about fourteen boys were failing. And it was time for my first parent-teacher conferences.
As parent after parent poured in I became extremely grateful for those, almost always the fathers, who did not disagree with my grades or my system and made comments such as, “Well, if Susie didn’t put her name on the test and it dropped her grade by five points then she better learn to put her name on the test!” I tried to be positive but being equally novice at this job I’m sure I made mistakes. And then Danny’s parents arrived. Danny was failing study skills and his mother came across the room toward my desk looking ready for battle. She sat down, put her hands on my desk and said, “I don’t want to talk about his behavior I want to talk about his grade.”
For awhile we were on shaky ground since his grade was, at this point, dependent on his behavior. But it eventually it came out that Danny had had a horrible experience with a teacher in the 5th grade and his mother was living in dread that he was about to repeat that experience. We finally agreed that Danny, the dean and I would sit down after school in the coming week and discuss his issues with study skills (he was doing fine in geography and neither mom nor I had any problems with that class). As the parents got up to leave and walked back across the room I heard the father say, quietly, “That wasn’t so bad. She seemed nice.” Well, I am nice, but that didn’t seem to be helping anything.
I learned a lot that first year but the most valuable things I learned concerned parents and how to respond to their concerns and questions. As a mother of four I have, over the years, also learned how to be a parent at the parent/teacher conference and there are five points which both parties should be able to remember:
1) Always go to the conference. The simple act of meeting the teacher helps him or her put a home life with a child. The fact that you showed up for the conference means that both of you have at least one thing in common-you know this child and you have to deal with him/her every day.
2) Go in nice. If you are the parent compliment the teacher (clothing or classroom set-up work well but if they do something in class you particularly like make sure to mention it first. If you are the teacher mention at least one good thing about this kid (more if you can think of them). This starts everybody off on a positive note and sets the tone for the conference.
3) Be sure to ask questions and let the other person talk-and really listen to what they say. Most parents want to talk about their kids and will do so willingly. Does the parent seem to really understand the realities of their child’s personality? Do they get that the child sometimes has difficulty relating to other people? Ask if they have any of these problems at home. On the parent side, if the teacher says Johnny is having a bit of trouble take the time to honestly question what the source might be-friends, desk placement, boredom, inability to perform the given task.
4) Be ready with specific details of a problem. If Susie’s behavior is out of line exactly what has she done to demonstrate this? “Susie is a bully” is not the same as, “At recess we’ve had to put Susie on the wall five times this year because she has hit and pushed other children.” Calling her a bully probably only brings out defensiveness, but pointing out specifics allows the parents to confront the issue from the standpoint of other parents. If the teacher is out of line exactly what examples do you have of an area where you felt uncomfortable with the teacher’s action. Saying, “I don’t like the way you teach social studies” probably isn’t going to get us very far. But, saying, “I find your use of charts and graphs to be way over the head of my child is there anything we can do about this?” opens the door to a dialogue.
5) Keep the lines of communication open. Let the parent know they are welcome to email or visit any time. Let the teacher know you want to be involved and will call regularly to get updates-then do it.
I have become good at parent/teacher conferences and look forward now to meeting parents who can tell me more about their children. And I don’t teach study skills anymore-although I did have some input into creating a junior high schedule which ended the day with P.E.! My advice to parents and teachers who complain about each other is simple: listen, talk, and remember, every child in the room deserves to be somebody’s shining star.
