Animal Intelligence
The likelihood of animal intelligence is something researchers and laypeople have been debating since the beginning of time. The more we learn about how animals work, the more convinced people are becoming that animals do possess certain kinds of intelligence. The next question, then, is how intelligent are animals? And is it possible that a particular species of animal might be more intelligent than us?
For the purposes of this article, I’ve grouped certain types of animals together (mostly to keep dog and cat people from claiming superiority over one another) and rated their likelihood of having superior intelligence to humans. I used a 5-point scale, with 1 being a virtual impossibility, 3 being a toss-up, and 5 being a definite yes. Please note that this article is meant for entertainment purposes only, and the author makes no claim to having superior intelligence or scientific expertise.
Cats and Dogs
Most pet-owners will jump to the defense of their companions and cite numerous examples of their animals’ intelligence. Cats and dogs both know when something is dangerous, when Mom needs emotional support, or that dinnertime is just around the corner. Dogs can be trained as lifesavers and professional aides. Cat lovers will be quick to point out that cats are just as compassionate and can be trained to perform any number of tricks, from fetch to tinkling in the human toilet. Cats also possess a mechanical aptitude that is often cited as an indicator of animal intelligence. How many times have you opened your sock drawer and found Fluffy already there?
Do cats and dogs possess enough animal intelligence to make them smarter than humans? Probably not, otherwise they’d get their own food.
Likelihood of Superior Animal Intelligence: 2
Mice and Other Rodents
The Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy put forth the idea that mice possess an animal intelligence far superior to that of humans, and that humans are really being manipulated into acting on behalf of mice. For years, scientists have trained mice to run mazes, push buttons, and identify symbols as part of their research on animal intelligence. If you’ve ever had one in your home, you know how hard they are to trap.
Unfortunately, mice probably don’t come near humans on the scale of animal intelligence. Those mice only learn to run the mazes because they get electric shocks for running into dead ends. Most humans can figure out simple three-dimensional mazes pretty quickly.
Likelihood of Superior Animal Intelligence: 1
Squid and Octopi:
Until recently, no one thought to look at squid and octopi as possible sources of animal intelligence. Stories are starting to emerge, though, about octopi that sneak out of their aquariums at night by lifting or unlatching the lids with their tentacles. Then, they drag themselves across dry land to raid other aquariums for fish. This demonstrates a craftiness a dog who rips open his food bag just doesn’t have. Likewise, sailors have legends about a species of giant ocean squid capable of destroying a submarine.
Whether these actions are displays of true animal intelligence or just heightened survival skills remains to be seen. In the meantime, I don’t think enough is known yet about the internal workings of squid and octopi brains to make a clear-cut determination of animal intelligence.
Likelihood of Superior Animal Intelligence: 3
Dolphins and Whales:
By making thousands of complex noises we’re only just scratching the surface of deciphering, dolphins and whales communicate with each other from miles away. Whales in particular seem capable of communicating on a much more complex scale than humans, as their mysterious songs contain meanings at which we can only guess.
Dolphins and whales are both capable of achieving incredible feats through training. While jumping through a flaming hoop isn’t something that comes naturally to a dolphin, the sheer fact that they can be taught to do this indicates not only an animal intelligence, but also some sort of higher motivation. The stories of dolphins rescuing drowning humans and lost ships also indicates a thinking process or reason behind acting in ways that don’t contribute directly or indirectly to their own survival. Acts of altruism must be related to animal intelligence, because how else would a dolphin “decide” to act without some capacity for not just logic, but also a higher sense of purpose?
Likelihood of Superior Animal Intelligence: 4.5
Cockroaches:
It’s hard to imagine these bastards as having animal intelligence. First, they’re not really animals, they’re insects (although I did see one the size of a mouse the other day). Second, cockroaches are insanely gross.
I bring up cockroaches here for a couple reasons. If you’ve got cockroaches, have ever had cockroaches, or know someone with cockroaches, then you know that they’re damn near impossible to get rid of. They manage to outsmart their human hosts time after time to thrive in the cleanest of kitchens and bathrooms.
Cockroaches have evolution on their side, too. Supposedly, cockroaches were one of the only living species on earth to survive whatever catastrophe befell the dinosaurs. Should a nuclear holocaust occur tomorrow, the cockroaches would live to see the next step in planetary evolution.
Do I really think an individual cockroach has animal intelligence? No, but collectively they function as intelligent animals. For example, cockroaches will not venture out into the light unless there are enough of them to send out a few expendables to explore. You can live with cockroaches for years and never know, simply because you’ll never see them.
Likelihood of Superior Animal Intelligence: Doesn’t matter-they have sheer numbers working in their favor.
