Anniversary
January 2, 2001
A year ago Tara found out she was pregnant.
She thought about MacKenzie all day but wasn’t that sad.
It felt like a new year for the first time. Normally it didn’t.
January 8, 2001
Tara’s health insurance kicked in finally.
She felt good about MacKenzie. It was less painful, more peaceful now. She didn’t regret her decision.
MacKenzie was happy and was thriving. She laughed and she was secure and comfortable in her new home. She was well taken care of and she had no uncertainty. She had confidence in her parents.
She’d have none of that if she were with Tara. She knew this.
A woman who placed seven years before said she regretted her decision. She tried to make Tara feel bad about her decision but she didn’t.
She had two other kids she had custody of, two girls.
Tara hung up the phone from her feeling bad the week before but now she felt good, stronger at her decision, proud of her decision, thankful.
January 13, 2001
Today Tara thought about MacKenzie a lot. She showed an old friend her pictures and gave her one.
Tara didn’t know what she’d do if she had her right now. She had no toilet paper, gas, detergent, or underwear that day. Her bills always exceeded her income and she could never get it right.
She passed baby items in the store and was grateful she didn’t have MacKenzie because she’d be without things. To know MacKenzie had more than she needed gave Tara comfort.
January 15, 2001
Tara got a picture of MacKenzie that day. MacKenzie looked so happy in the picture, unlike her own baby pictures where she looked rattled and scared.
A year ago Tara had moved into Gladney.
MacKenzie was five months old today. She was growing so fast.
At work that day a co-worker was bragging about how her little girl said her first words that day – “Mama.”
It was so important that MacKenzie be happy and fed. Tara was so glad she’d done what she did even though she missed her.
January 16, 2001
The home had broke ground on their new facility, which they’d move into in the fall that year after 50 years and thousands of babies later.
The home’s children, dressed in commemorative shirts and armed with shovels, dug into the dirt at the future home.
Guests included Elizabeth Yokel, granddaughter of Texas Children’s Home and Aid Society founder Reverend I.J.T. Morris, Jane Chester, Edna Gladney’s niece, and Ruby Lee Piester, longtime executive director the home. Board members, several birth moms, adoptive families and staff members were also on hand to participate in the event.
The new complex would consist of four buildings, a counseling center, a residential facility, community center, and a visitor’s center. A picnic pavilion and greenhouse would also be added.
Veronica put Tara’s letter and pics in the mail to her.
“We love you and want you to be happy,” she wrote. “I know you are such a special person and so many positive things are coming out of your birth experience. I know MacKenzie won’t remember our upcoming trip to Disney World, but I believe every life experience broadens your mind and adds to those brain cells. We took Ben to Hawaii at 2 Ã?½ and he did great and loves to look at the pics. Anyway, I’m looking forward to some down time with just MacKenzie and I while Frank and Ben are probably going to be very active. We’ll go to Orlando again when they’re both older also. We love to travel and want to foster the desire in our kids. I hope you approve. We could always spend the money on a nicer house or cars but we prefer to spend it traveling.
MacKenzie is fine. Sleeping better and in her own bed – sigh. I would’ve kept her in her cradle for a while longer, but it was time. She is rolling everywhere and we can’t keep her on a mat and trying to teeth – – lots of slobbering and chewing on hands. I have lots of pics for you. Ben continues to read to her and bring her toys and talk to her in depth about his train; etc. Everyone always comments on how much he loves her and she will turn her head and strain her neck if she hears his voice and he’s not in her line of sight. I am so glad they have each other as siblings. I am so glad for you and his birth mom. Did I tell you we finally heard from her? Your caseworker actually told us on MacKenzie’s placement day at the park and we are so relieved. Since that time we have had one letter from her and owe her a letter and pics this month – Ben’s birthday. She had a really rough time and even lived on the streets for a time and was so depressed. I ache for her but she is doing much better now. WE LOVE YOU – – DON’T FORGET HOW MUCH.”
January 18, 2001
MacKenzie weighed 11 lbs, 4 ounces. She was almost at Ben’s two-month weight.
“She’ll get there, she just wants to stay petite,” Veronica wrote. “Would really like to see you face to face. I asked you in your letter about meeting at finalization which will probably be in March. But I don’t want to make things hard on you, so just let me know what you decide.”
January 22, 2001
Amy hadn’t seen her baby in two months and had her last phone conversation with her APs on the 14th. She said it was very hard to say goodbye to them and that she’ll miss them greatly. She said she still keeps in touch with her friends and staff at Gladney. She said it had been a very fulfilling part of her life and that she’ll always cherish her time there and the people she shared it with. She read her APs journals for the first time today. She said she was very appreciative of them for letting her see the other side of adoption and feels they’ll make great parents. She said she’s enjoying life to the fullest and can’t wait to see her three-month pictures of her baby.
January 27, 2001
“Hi, just got through spending lots of time re-reading your journal as it was posted online and I have to say, I kept wanting to read more,” Veronica wrote. “We think and speak of you so much and I’m excited to see you in February or March. I hope you’re doing well although I know you have bad days, too.
I have a question. Are you Ã?¯Ã?¿Ã?½Tormented in Texas’? If you are, you’ll know what I’m talking about. If notâÂ?¦.it’s a Ã?¯Ã?¿Ã?½Dear Abby’ article from a birth mom who sounds so much like you. Several people in my family called me when it appeared in the paper recently. Anyway, the birth mom was having such a hard time at work when co-workers founds out she had placed a baby for adoption. I just cannot imagine not giving you the support and so grateful to you and women like you who have made the very difficult choice to place a child. Anyway, I would love to come and talk with these people giving you a hard time although I’m afraid I would scream at them!!! They MUST realize what a tough life changing decision you have made. They must realize you agonized and prayed and cried and cried and talked and talked and searched your heart before making this decision!!! Anyway, this might not even be you it just touched a cord in my heart. So, if you need anything, ANYTHING, please don’t hesitate to tell me.
Do the pics and letters help or make it harder? Sometimes I think we’re making it harder for you with the pics/letters and emails. Please don’t hesitate to tell me if this is the case. We want to do what makes you comfortable/happy.
Okay, enough heavy stuff. Yesterday was beautiful and we took the kids to the park/playground. Frank swung with MacKenzie on the swing and she loved it. She’s very very active, rolling all over the place. She is a very social child. She especially loved looking at all the kids.
She can sit up in the exersaucer now for 20 minutes or so at a time and play with all the toys on the outside rims. She hasn’t figured out yet that she can actually turn herself around as the inside turns allowing her to play with the other toys. But have no fear, Ben turns her every few minutes to play with the other toys. We have a routine each morning of she in her exersaucer, Ben playing with a tower of blocks in her room and me sitting on the floor reading the paper. She’ll play just long enough to get the paper read – – if I’m lucky.
We love you.”
January 30, 2001
Tara sent MacKenzie a Little House on the Prairie book, one of a series she planned on buying her, one at a time. It was one of Tara’s childhood favorites and she watched the show religiously every week with Chelsea when they were kids.
“She will love it also,” Veronica wrote. “Thank you so much.”
