Are You Pushing Your Child Too Hard?
Many parents I talk to say they get a lot of advice from their own parents. They also ask friends for advice, look to parenting magazines, search online, or just wing it. They use what makes sense and discard the rest.
One piece of advice I have gotten is pretty much common sense. The busier you keep your children, the less trouble they will get into. It makes sense to me, especially since I didn’t have much to do in my teen years, and I got into a bit of trouble.
This isn’t a perfect answer though, because you can also run into problems if you give your child too much to do.
Feeling Overwhelmed
Things have changed since I was in school. Kids are getting more and more homework assignments than ever. The world is a more stressful place, even for kids. They may not talk about it, but world issues do weight on them. The fear of terrorism or abduction is something they are aware of, whether your realize it or not.
Sometimes kids have a hard time saying no to their parents, especially when the parents seem so excited about the prospect of their son being the star quarterback or the lead in the school play. The kids may allow the activities to build up, but at the same time, feel amazingly stressed out by it all.
With too much going on, they can’t excel at what they really want to do. Their grades may suffer and so will their social interactions. They are left feeling stressed, tired and, worn out.
An over-scheduled child may develop some problems that stem from being stressed and overworked. They may eat too much or too little. They may seem distracted and have trouble concentrating on schoolwork. You may also notice they are always tired and irritable.
Good Reasons
There are great reasons to have your children involved in extracurricular activities. The best one would be that they want to be involved. They may have a strong interest in something and want to pursue it.
For younger children, these special activities can help them learn to interact with their own peer group and develop social skills they will need for school. Don’t overdo it though; they can learn these skills in kindergarten just as easily.
Exercise is another great reason to get your children involved in sports, dance, or outdoor clubs. This is especially good for children who live in town or in a city where they don’t have as much space to run free and play.
If your child seems to have a natural talent for something, encourage them to explore that talent but don’t force it. If they are really good at something, they will develop an interest in pursuing it all on their own.
Bad Reasons
Parents get a lot of mixed messages. They think they have to push their children to learn things before kindergarten. Granted, some schools have requirements for entering school, but they are reasonable and most children are just fine with no extra help what so ever.
Some parents fall victim to pressure. They hear tales of the neighbor’s child who can do everything better than their child. The most important thing to remember is that children develop at their own pace. It’s not a race and a child should not be a tool to be better than your neighbor/sister/cousin/coworker.
Don’t insist your daughter get involved in cheerleading just because her older sister did. If she would rather be in the drama club, let her. Children are different and their interests will reflect that. Allowing them to follow their own interests is the best gift you can give them. If you ever hear yourself saying, “Why can’t you be more like your brother (or sister),” stop and ask yourself why you would feel your children should carbon copies of one another.
If you dreamed of being a football star, but never seemed to measure up, don’t pass this dream on to your son unless it’s his dream too. Don’t allow your children to feel pressured to become something you wanted to be but failed to become.
Downtime
My life before age eleven was pretty carefree. I played outside from sunrise to sunset on days I didn’t have to be in school. I had the freedom to explore my world and learn things school can never teach. My mom had to work hard to raise my brother and me, and I can’t say I suffered because she didn’t have the time to enroll me in softball or dance class. I got everything I needed from friends.
I later went into cheerleading, for a few years, but only because I wanted to. My mom never pushed me if I resisted. I thank her for that. I never felt I had to live up to some ideal; I was just myself.
It was during this time that I discovered what I was truly interested in and what was just a passing phase. I learned to manage my own time and to discover what was truly important in my life.
Wrap Up
Children have to enjoy childhood. Talk to someone who feels they missed out on the joys and freedoms of being a child, and see what they have to say about it. There is magic in childhood that we lose when we become adults. There is plenty of time in life to be adults, let the kids be kids.
Allowing your children to be the main voice in what they want to do is a great gift. School is important and should be taken seriously, but everything else is gravy. Giving them time to just be young without the pressures of ‘preparing’ for adulthood is better for them than an overstressed and overscheduled life.
