BDSM Relationships: Dominance and Submission

There are so many ‘myth-perceptions’ about BDSM Relationships and so much more to it than many people think. And, yes, for some people, it is just about kinky sex! The Vanilla World, or what I prefer to call ‘the Mainstreamers’, can see ‘us’ as just plain weird, immoral heathens (I like that one, it makes me laugh), or even think that BDSM Lifestylers are kinky freaks.

But, to many of my friends and peers, BDSM and Dominance/submission (D/s) is about so much more. It is about giving, and about receiving. It is about opening one’s self to another so completely and fully there is complete transparency between partners. It is about finding your whole self and reveling in every bit of you! To be honest, in my world, there are as many levels and varieties of dominance and submission as there are people who practice it in their lives. You might be living right next door to a committed, (even married!) D/s couple (or polyfidelity family) right now! Ok, I will wait while you run to the window and check! Back already? You didn’t find ‘them’, did you? Maybe you just couldn’t identify the kinky people – because we look just like you.

We have jobs, or we are retired. We have kids in school, or we are childfree. We go off to work everyday, or we are stay at home parents. Heck, we even drive SUVs and go to PTA meetings! We are who we are – just as you are who you are!

Sure, you may not ask your spouse permission before buying that new dress or signing up for a new telephone service, but I do. Why? Because in our home, final decisions belong to my husband. I can present information, facts and figures, even just say “Because I want to _____________! (Insert desired action here). His is the agreed final vote. Simple. Now, just for the record, I DO make decisions all day long, and well into the evening, too. And, the truth is, I am good at making decisions! About some things, I am wiser at selecting the best course of action than my husband. We call that ‘doing what we each do best’, and I imagine, if you examine your own relationships, you will see that you do something similar, often called the division of labor.

D/s Relationships are defined differently for every person involved. It is not about abuse, it is not about losing one’s self, and it is not about being incapable of behaving in an adult manner and thus needing caretaking. Dominance and submission is about responsibility and expectations. It is about all parties reaching for their highest potential, together. It is about building a relationship that suits you perfectly.

For us, dominance and submission, our D/s relationship, is about responsibility. My husband is responsible to make sure that I grow and thrive in this universe. I am responsible to make sure that he does the same. Dominance and submission is not a casual, or bedtime thing in our home. It is what completes each of us, in every way. BDSM has many facets, and the D/s facet works for us. Yes, there is kinky sex and BDSM play in our lives, especially when I ask very nicely, or, beg prettily (I like begging!)

I belong to my husband, and more importantly, to myself. He belongs to me. Better yet, we belong to each other, and for us, that is the only definition of BDSM Dominant and submissive relationships that counts. The kinky sex and BDSM play are just frosting on the cake! Chocolate swirl frosting, not vanilla!