Becoming a Caregiver to Sick or Aging Parents

When your parent(s) become sick or the aging process transforms them into a person or persons you don’t know, changes have to be made…difficult changes. When you transition from child to ‘parent’, it takes a lot of love, patience and understanding.The following poem was written as I sat in the hospital with my Mama. Daddy had passed away five years before and this had taken a great toll on her. I hope you never have to deal with this, but take heart if it does…you will survive.

Changing Roles

All my life there was a home place
where I felt safe, secure and complete.
Not once did I stop and give thought to
this gift, I now know was so sweet.
Mama took care of our family
with love and talent and pride.
Daddy guided us all with his wisdom.
We all stood tall, side-by-side.
We had prayer times and times to laugh loudly.
There were times of silence and peace.
It all seemed so right and so perfect,
no one talked of a time it would cease.
Praise flowed smoothly for things done that honored.
Reprimand could come swiftly, too.
Daddy was fair and he loved us;
that attitude always showed through.
Scrapped knees kissed better by Mama,
always snacks for us after school.
She taught us to dance, sing and pray.
Her life taught us the Golden Rule.
The neighbors knew whom they could count on
whenever the need might arise.
My parents took care of our family,
but, no need ever rose to blind eyes.

There has now come a time in my life,
I never considered before�
Mama and Daddy no longer are waiting
whenever I walk through the door.
Daddy passed from this life and awaits us,
to meet again on that Beautiful Shore.
Mama yearns for this day to come quickly for her:
she loves us, but she misses him more.

Now my brother and I are the guardians,
we want Mama’s life to be full and last long.
But, her health is failing and her mind is confused�
though her body remains, she is gone.

So I sit and I think of the old days,
and return to that small needy child.
At fifty plus I feel like an orphan,
yet the memories still make me smile.
But, smiles can turn into teardrops.
I’m not sure I am proud, as I pauseâÂ?¦
am I crying for those that I’ve loved all my life,
or is selfishness really the cause?

Whatever the answer, just remember,
no matter how high you’ve set goals,
you’ll find the most heart-wrenching one to achieve,
is when you and your parents change roles.

Mama died in my arms that night. Immediately, there was a look of peace on her face and she looked twenty years younger. I thought of what Daddy had said to me many times while he was sick: “Sharon, there’s a lot of things worse than dying.” How right he was, I now understand what he meant. Becoming dependent on your child takes your dignity. Watching your parent(s) suffer tears out your heart. He knew all of this and it tortured him. I am grateful to have had the special parents I did and look forward to being reunited with them. They won’t be suffering then.