Being Justin Timberblake

It’s been too long since my last Justin Timberlake article. I’m practically ripping at the seams with queries, comments and lauding; my mind feels funny too. I’m not gay but if I was I would total suck J-Tim’s hot and steamy bulge. And that brings up another point: Why doesn’t anyone call him J-Tim. I’m not saying they should, it’s just kind of funny that nobody does. (INTERESTING SIDE NOTE: There is a debate raging all over the country about who started the “first initial/last name abbreviation” nickname. It’s either J-Lo [Jennifer Lopez] or A-Rod [Alex Rodriguez]. What side of the fence are you on, my furry little friend?) Anyway, let’s get back to Timbers.

Justin is back and there’s no denying it. He’s got a hit song out, his album is about to drop (if it hasn’t already), he’s totally hot and he’s got a totally hot girlfriend (he still dates that Diaz girl, right?). Hey, I’m not jealous of Cameron Diaz; I mean, why should I be? I told you I wasn’t gay, so it’s not like I want to slice that gold digging bitch into a million little pieces. Damn. Get a guy your own age, why don’t you, stupid whore. Justin is too good for you. Do you remember when he had those curly locks during the early days of NSYNC? Oh shit, look at me, I’m gushing. I’ve got to stop. It’s hard though, being a fan and all; especially a fan of someone like Justin Timberlake. God, the things I would do to him if I were gay. Good thing I’m not though.

Anyhow, I want to talk about a few specific points, three to be exact. So I hope you’ve got another minute or two to read my thoughts on the greatest solo artist of all time, the one and only Justin TimberlakeâÂ?¦

Rolling Stone Cover

Have you seen this issue of Rolling Stone? Pure mastery. I don’t know who took this shot, but I bet it was Jesus Christ himself. Basically, there are a couple elements at work here. 1) The wet shirt. Why aren’t there male wet T-shirt contests? I mean you don’t have to be gay to appreciate another guy’s wet nipples. 2) The guitar. I like that he’s holding a guitar but I hope that he didn’t take in the pool with him. Justin Timberlake knows that guitars don’t work underwater, right? Silly. 3) That smile. It’s in full effect on the Rolling Stone cover. I rarely cry, but it got a little dusty when this magazine came in the mail.

SexyBack

At first, I wasn’t so sure about this song. But than it totally grew on me. I like that there’s no space between “Sexy” and “Back”, it’s kind of metaphor for the lack of space available for me between Justin and Cameron Diaz-in a heterosexual, friendship kind of way.

Justin Timberlake’s Pubic Hairstyle

This has been a huge debate between my friends and I. Is it cool to wonder how other guys keep their pubic hair or does it make you gay. I think it’s fine to wonder because wondering never hurt anybody. Like the other day I wanted to see how my friend Bobby styled his under-hair and when I tried to undo his belt buckle he totally freaked. I mean what’s the deal? I bet Justin Timberblake is totally bald.