Best Mistake I Ever Made
There was a time, there was a time when the anchorman reigned supreme. wait no sorry thats for another story I am working on….
But there was a time back in the late ’90s that groups like N’Sync, the Backstreet Boys, and Eminem ruled across the radio waves. I should know as I found myself working at a wherehouse record store in Monterey (remember those? when you actually had to go to an actual store to purchase music?). But music is niether here nor there as this story is about mistakes and when it came to my job, the only mistake i made was recommending to a lady that the Everlast album would compliment her andrea bocelli purchase quite nicely…
No, this mistake occurred back at my apartment. See I was once married to a pretty little Army interpertor. And while in the future, if my son ever reads this, might be a strike against his swagger, the mistake was in fact that I didn’t wrap it. My wife at the time had been having trouble with the pill and had decided to go off it before being shipped off to Arizona for additional training. Well thinking that lightning couldn’t possibly strike on the very first crack, I decided to let the magic happen a la freelance. Well about a week later, I get a phone call from my wife explaining to me how she had passed out for the first time while standing at attention outside in the arizona sun. I thought nothing of it really, too much sun not enough gatorade was my thinking. a couple of days pass, and I receive another phone call. This time its to let me know that even before I can enjoy my first year of being legally able to drink, I would become a father. I am looking at him right now as I am typing and all I can think about is how beautiful life has been with him. I got to go see little kid movies i secretly wanted to see and he had given me the perfect excuse. Same thing for Disneyland. I got to act like a little kid more than a normal adult should. Sometimes to the complete annoyance of his mom. And while now it seems like a distant memory, I got to know the feeling of being a homeowner and having my own landscaping crew mow my lawn. My dad also got to be a grandfather for a little bit. My son Danny was born on 02/24/00. On January 5th 2003, a tie in my best mistakes occurred. My daughter Sofia was born. Again it occurred imediately after my wife had gone off the pill. I thought for sure lightning couldnt strike twice especially from the same bottle, but it did. going a la free had instantly created a new being. And although right now she is screaming at me to stop typing and get her some yogurt (she is really into bossing me around- and i can’t help it she is the cutest little thing), I am so happy that I never bothered with the trojans. I am not going to lie at times it was a pain, its a pain write now trying to finish this up. But like George Constanza, knowing that your troops can swim and navigate the perilous canals of the female loins is the greatest feeling in the world. Even if it does cost over 1000 bucks in childcare monthly.
So there it is the best mistakes I ever made. Being brutally honest, I am not quite sure how many 20 year olds plan on having kids, but I know at the time of enjoying the sex that was not on my mind. But it happened, my former sperm became little living beings who have enriched my life. And now I am off to Mcdonald’s to buy them happy meals.
