Best Mistake I Ever Made
The best mistake I ever made was to be pregnant without a home or a husband. It was the fall of ’72 and here I was 9 months pregnant. My mother had practically disowned me and I was forced to move out of the house,because, I was an “embarrassment” to the family. My nerdy boyfriend whom I had been dating for two years, decided to go to Hawaii to get his head together. So, I moved in with tweo high school friends. I lived practically on Mickey D’s food. worked at the local nursing home and rapidly gained 50 lbs! I was devastated to say the least, at seventeen, I felt abandoned by all those close to me. Time marched on like a broken watch, and days were an eternity. I was on welfare, and had made an appointment to see about adopting my child out to a “good” family. I made an appointment at the social services office , and proceeded to seal my fate, so I thought. The woman was courteous, and empathetic, however, she had a job to do. Paper work abounded; she asked about my parents. Mom was easy to desccribe and provide name, social security number, and health details about. Dad was a bit more difficult,you see I haven’t seen my fathher in over forty years! He left my family unit when I was only 7 years old. What an event that proved to be. He amd my mother had fought one eveningas they often did, since my father was a full-blown alcoholic.
This particular night was especially traumatic. It was three in the morning when I heard my mother’s voice saying, Trish, that’s the name she calls me “get up and get your brother and sister up be very quiet, we’re leaving” My mother and I lived through the hell and uncertainty of a life filled with physicla, mental, and emotional abuse. To this day I have trust issues, and at times I’m waiting for the “other shoe to fall” Back to the adoption agency. My mother just happened to have my father’s social security number and they ran it on my father. A wrap sheet returned for petty crime, such as drunk in public, and panhandling. After 69 all information stopped. As if he fell off the planet. Well, he either moved back to Ireland, or died, buth there is no death record. So the mystery continues to this day! On November 2nd 1972, I awoke at 6am, took a shower, and packed a bag. I intuitively knew it was the day I would give birth. I woke my roomates and they drove me to the hospital. My mom showed up to be a comfort to me that was all, no one was there with flowers ,candy a new nightie or anything.Me, my mom and my son to be, were strugggling to give birth. It was a hard labor for about three hours. In those days they didn’t give epidurals till the very last second, so suffer I did; I thought I was going to die the pain was so excruciating. At three o’one in the afternoon of the 2nd, my pride and joy was born to me. I named him and then left him behind at the hospital three days later. He was place in foster care, awaiting adoption. All was not lost, though, my mother came to me and said it would be good to have my son in the family, to raise and care for. He returned to me, and my mother cared for him. Nine months later, his father returned, we married and attempted to make a go of a young marriage. I figured I had little options, so to nursing school I went and we raised our son together. The marriage lasted five years, divorce was eminent as I had not forgiven him for abandoning me when I needed him most. Time passed, and my son went to live with his father. I pursued my nursing career, a re-married several times. Looking for love and being all mixed up.
All this is behind me now, my son has grown and the pain of my best mistake has subsided. We, my son and I are reconciling our tumultuous relationship, bit by bit. I love him and want the best for him as every parent does. To say that I was a perfect parent would be ludicrous, I failed miserably, and I was a child raising a child. In those moments, when my son and I connect I realize that having him was the best mistake I ever made! The joy, the bliss the pain of defeat all vanish when I hear the words,”I love you too, mom”
Who’s to say what would have happened, he may have been better off adopted. We play the hand we are dealt and hope for a good game, always keeping the ace up our sleeve! On to better things, as I write I feel my own personal healing journey and I know today is good!
