Best Mistake I Ever Made
Who was I trying to kid? I never knew it would bite me in the ass so hard. I was young and beyond neive. Not a clue as to what I was about to embark upon when I decided to take things to the next level. He was a friend of mine for so many years. The guy used to walk me home from school. We’d ride for hours smokin’ weed and talkin’ bout everything and nothing. Bet you know where this is going… Well yes, we had a child. But not before I endured abuse from him and his family that could match any textbook definition.
I’m sure this story has been lived by many a good woman, many a misguided and lonely woman, many a strong and smart woman. This story is the story of so many unheard voices.
It started out innocently enough. With that first kiss. It made me shudder as I had no physical attraction for him at all. Something in my mind said, “kiss him, he loves you just kiss him.” It was the kiss of death in so many ways. But if not for that kiss this beautiful blonde headed angel by my side would not exist. She teaches me something about myself every day. She is truly an angel… my angel girl.
He put me through the worst of times. His family ganged up on me trying to prove me unfit and trying to make me sign her away to them. I went through being thrown across rooms, being humiliated in public, having my family bonds and friendships severed, being treated as less than human, being beaten, having my tires slashed, being lied to lie upon lie upon lie and sleeping in shelters where some lowlifes stole my daughters formula. I lived through all of it. I got out. I went back. I swore I wouldn’t let my daughter grow up without a dad like I did. I gave it a year. I got out for good. He retaliated. I got a restraining order. He was awarded visitation every other weekend at his mother’s house under supervision. He and his parents (I think more his parents) would not give her back to me and I had to take a police officer to get her back. He used his time with her to attempt to find signs of physical or any other sort of abuse that I had done to my daughter. Every other week I had a phonecall or a card slipped under my door to contact some worker regarding another allegation. The things I supposedly done to my daughter I could not even imagine in my wildest dreams. This went on for 2 years. Two years of hell. Being the victim from a distance did not make it any easier especially considering it was my first time out on my own as a new single mother and still so much to learn and so much growing up to do.
i will always defend myself as a good mother regardless of whatever they might have said. i’ve done my part which is more than he can say.
He has not legally pursued rights to his daughter and i do not seek him out. i appreciate him staying away from us. Last I heard he was stealing little kids bikes and repainting them then selling them for profit.
I’m so sorry that my daughter may not ever have the relationship she deserves with her father or moreso that i did such a poor job of picking a father for her… BUT I’m pulling my weight and he does not… AND without that little angel so much would be so empty, so meaningless, so void of joy.
Could it be that God decided that if i were going to be allowed the privellege of raising a beautiful child like her that this was my debt? Did I go through all the pain just to prove that I actually deserved this wonderful gift? It’s hard to know all the answers. Hard to even guess. She is NOT a mistake.
We all have our battles to fight and our crosses to bare. I hate to say it but loving him was the best mistake I ever made. It gave me my life’s most precious gift. We have a strong bond of love that cannot be measured. Without love, all is for nothing. And she is definitely something. Something wonderful.
