Bi, Gay, or Straight – What’s Your Sexuality?
It wasn’t always easy. My mother didn’t find out until a disgruntled friend began to bandy about the news that I was moving to Florida to join a sex cult.
Untrue, of course. I am a Witch, by choice and religion, and so is my girlfriend. We are also Polyamorous, which simply means we are free to explore sexual and emotional attachments with others. We have a live-in boyfriend, and he and our girlfriend have a child together. We are currently considering a Fourth, and he’s pleased as punch with our way of life.
Coming Out is a double-pronged conversation for me. Voicing my bisexuality usually elicits minimal reaction. The slam-dunk is learning I live with, and love, two people. I know it’s not nearly so easy and comfortable a thing with some people.
I met a young man, I’ll simply call B. Diva, my girlfriend, and I both have sharp Gay-dar. Gay-dar is the sense of knowing when someone you meet is gay, bi or straight. She and I both got the PING for Gay when we met B. He denied it, though, and threw us both into a mild tizzy. Could our accuracy be off?
Well, I recently ran into B, and he told me, quite happily, “I’m gay, now.”
I felt extremely vindicated. I could trust my Gay-dar after all.
People have come to me and asked how I can be so comfortable as a bisexual woman in this day of conservative legislation of family structure. I don’t have much advice, honestly. I’ve become so much less concerned with what people think that I just don’t pay attention to censure. The only advice I can give is to be honest with you first. If you can’t come Out to you, it will be impossible to do it with your family.
I couldn’t face my sexuality until I became a Witch. I grew up sporadic Baptist. We moved so much when I was a kid, we never really made friends. It wasn’t until after I was married that I made an effort to study and be at ease with my beliefs and my sexuality. I couldn’t reconcile my Baptist doctrine with my attraction to women. At that time, I hadn’t even considered being bi. I was tussling with the two extremes -gay or straight.
I grew weary of the constant contradictions in the Bible despite my exhaustive studies. I read three different versions of the Bible from cover to cover. I discussed, analyzed and debated scripture till I was sick of it. I eventually began to search for other ideologies, and found my way to the Craft. I studied, learned, asked questions and got answers. I gave up my Baptist shackles and donned the mantle of Pagan. I was free, mentally and emotionally to have a few revelations
First, I realized I was still attracted to men. Then, I realized I didn’t have to be gay! Third and finally, I knew I was bisexual, and I was finally settled.
Coming Out to yourself can be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. Many people can never honestly face themselves. Some cannot “see” into themselves enough to truly plumb the depths of their desires. They fear society, family, and religious ostracism. I understand that, but I simply didn’t care anymore. I’ve learned to accept Me as I am, so when it comes to my sexuality, it’s just another rung of my climb to freedom.
That’s what being Out can give you. Freedom to be who you are. Freedom to seek and enjoy people who share your interests. Freedom from shame. Once you Come Out, you have no reason to hide your lovers from family and friends. You can bring them to Thanksgiving and birthday parties. You can go shopping and out to eat. You can walk down the street and hold hands, hug and kiss in the movie theater.
But the first step will always be Coming Out to yourself.
