Bipolar, Breastfeeding and Me, Jenne
i am working on starting a local chapter of a bipolar peer group. i am not happy with traveling so far away from home just to meet with others and then try and find a group i might fit into. if i facilitate my own group, i think things would be better. we’ll see.
In my research i came across some neat info. there are a lot of celebrities that are bipolar. One was Maurice Bernard, he’s on General Hospital, and he’s become a celeb spokesman for BP Disorder. great campaign, i’m very pleased. another neat thing, he also has a daughter named Cassidy Rose!
this is the link to the campaign to help people figure out if they are Bipolar.
http://www.nmha.org/bipolar/index.cfm
i wish they’d been around 4 years ago.
Talking about being bipolar reminds me of another important subject. When i became pregnant, the first thing i had to do was give up my medicine. i have spoken about it in the past, and yes, it was very very hard. i made it through the dedication of my fiance, my family, friends and therapy. Of course, just the thought of Cassidy inside me helped as well. One thing i dreamed of the whole time was how i would breastfeed her and how wonderful it would be. but i did not realize that my medicine would be transmitted through breast milk. I knew i needed to get back on the meds, so i would be there 100% for Cassidy. i knew without it i would continue to be a mess, and it would get worse.
My heart broke when they brought in the formula to me. the breastfeeding people had talks with my doctors to see if there was any way. I cried every time someone mentioned breastfeeding. Honestly, i STILL do at times now. It hurts so much that i could not do what other mommies do. i felt like a failure. i still do. i cry when Cass tries to feed from me. i hide my tears from the bitches in the market that critisize me because i have to buy Enfamil for Cass. they make comments, they make ‘tsk tsk’ noises, they whisper to ther friends. one time i got some words out, basically saying “It’s a damn good thing i’m still on lithium or my fist would be in your mouth”. Freedom of Speech, of course, but Ladies, you don’t know SHIT about me and my life so stop critisizing me and go back to your henhouse. my Heart hurts…aches to be able to be sane without my damn medication, and be able to be supermommy. I look in Cassie’s eyes and see her love for me and i know she doesn’t hate me because i had to make the decision i did…and in the end, THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS.
This beautiful girl is everything. I am taking Lithium so I can be the best Mommie I can be, and i will not feel bad about that ANY MORE.
