Can We Ever Truly Forgive Another Person?

These words need not even be spoken aloud. They can be a silent statement – a thought, almost a prayer. When we forgive someone for a wrong they have committed, we not only free the other person of guilt, responsibility and perhaps pain – more importantly, we free ourselves.

Of course, to forgive someone means we have decided that they wronged us, hurt us or interfered with our wishes. It also means that we judged them to be wrong and hold them responsible for some offense. This in itself may not be fair or right – because, who are we to judge another? Who are we to impose guilt and remorse? Who are we to impede the freedom of another by holding them accountable? It is the judgment itself that inhibits. It is the judgment itself that stifles.

So, how do we not judge another? Each of us has certain expectations – many of them are implied by societal norms. The many expectations, in and of themselves, restrict certain freedoms and actions. How do we not judge? Perhaps we can simply allow.

Allowing a mistake on the part of another, so there is no need for forgiveness, is a place we can all come to. Allowing an occasional misspoken word, allowing a thoughtless act, allowing an uncharacteristic, unkind moment. If we could always keep top of mind the basic goodness and light and love of the person before us, then perhaps we could allow a misstep or an error in judgment, words or deeds. Allowing helps to free everyone in the interaction – the doer and the receiver.

Perhaps too, the most important allowing we can do is with ourselves. Allowing our own growth through a less than optimal situation. Allowing our own growth in a relationship while trying, stumbling and floundering around for the best words, the best actions. Allowing ourselves to indulge a bit now and then. Allowing ourselves to rest, to make a few mistakes here and there and to not push so hard.

Allowing is forgiveness in advance.

Allowing automatically provides freedom. It bypasses the anger, frustration and guilt. It softens the expectations. It heads off the bitterness before it grows.

Is it possible to go into each day, each new interaction openly and with an attitude of allowing? Can we allow the faults of another in advance? Can we also allow our own?

Allowing is the open door to freedom and action.

Now, that’s Powerful!