Canes & Caning: Introducing Edgeplay Into Your BDSM Relationship
Let me start off by admitting that I am a pain wimp. There, I said it.
My husband wanted to introduce canes and caning into our sexual play. I had experienced canes and caning before, in a previous relationship, and when he brought out his favorite canes, I screamed! Not a very good beginning to what can be a sensual, sexual delight! But, I didn’t know that. I looked at those long, thin rattan canes and could only think, “This guy is a FREAK! Lemme outta here!” He just hugged me and said, “These will be in the closet until you ask me to cane you.” All calm and pleasant, not at all upset that I hated his favorite toys. Hmmm, made me think about how much I trusted him. But still, I knew in my heart that I would NEVER ask him, much less beg him to cane me! Nope, not me! Not a chance!
Well, as they say, never is a long time. He never pushed or insisted on using the canes. Never even had them out where I would see them. Now, don’t think that because they were out of sight, they were out of mind. Not my mind, anyway! Months went by without even so much as a mention about the dreaded canes. We had great fun playing ‘other games’, enjoying each other’s bodies and amazing minds.
One lovely Saturday night, we were getting ready to go to the BDSM Club we attend. I was standing at the closet door, waiting for Master to select my clothes for the night, and noticed in the far corner a bundle of c-a-n-e-s! My heart beat a little harder, a little faster. I suddenly, and without warning opened my mouth and asked Master, “Master could we please stay home tonight so you can cane me in private the first time?” I think that the shocked look on his face must have matched the shocked look on my face, because he soon collected himself, gathered me in his arms and asked softly if I wanted his canes, if I was ready to beg for the cane. I was, indeed, ready for the canes, for HIS canes, and begging wasn’t a problem at all. I begged for his canes on my knees, with exploding joy and trust in my heart. True, that heart was pounding itself right out of my chest, but still, it was joyful. That night and many more since then, I’ve enjoyed his canes in various places on my body and locations in our world with a cheerful joy that he enticed from me with his sweet ministrations and tender, patient beginnings.
He has said many times, that he knew that if he forced the canes on me, I would dread, even hate them because of my previous experiences. He knew that when I did ask, beg for them, it would be because I wanted to share that with him.
Since then, there have been many more ‘new things’ we’ve tried together. Some, we discarded due to one thing or another. Some, we’ve gotten deeper into, attending workshops and classes, reading voraciously to gain knowledge about them, or just enjoyed and practiced together. We’ve also witnessed many other couples attempting new and scary bdsm play techniques. Whether it is the Violet Wand, or needleplay, fireplay, singletails, crossdressing, or any of the myriad BDSM Edgeplay fetishes, each can be frightening for the first timer. We’ve seen partners split up because of their differing intensities of play style. To be sure, pre-scene negotiations can help to ease the way for new and exciting BDSM play techniques, but how do you negotiate a Scene? All parties involved must first communicate. Talk about what you need and want. Discuss your boundaries, hard limits and ‘squicks’ (those things that make you feel squeamish) and then LISTENâÂ?¦to your partner and to your own heart!
If needleplay makes you think more of doctor’s visits than exciting sexual feelings, maybe compromise with your partner and agree to no piercing the skin, just lightly drawing on your skin with a dull needle. If fireplay totally freaks you out, maybe study safety techniques and tips together and maybe head off to a high quality, organized demonstration of fireplay, just to watch a professional or well trained fireplay expert at ‘work’. In any case, don’t do anything you are not comfortable with in the first place, at least not without a lot of preparation and discussion. To one couple, fireplay is ‘child’s play’, and to another it is extreme BDSM Edgeplay! Knowing what your own ‘Edge’ is in BDSM Edgeplay helps. Take the time to read and watch a variety of BDSM scenes, and decide for yourself what Edgeplay is a ‘hm, maybe I would like to try that’ and which BDSM scenes you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot cane. I would not recommend playing a scene with someone you are not completely comfortable with, and trust totally to honor your boundaries.
From my perspective, the best way for a Dominant to introduce any play that could be considered BDSM Edgeplay to his submissive(s) is to take it slowly, gain technical proficiency before attempting new things, and to bring the submissive along slowly. Make the submissive crave it! Encourage, but never insist on things that are outside your submissive’s boundaries. BDSM Edgeplay can be great fun and quite liberating, when performed well. Or BDSM Edgeplay can be dangerous, frightening and even ruin a relationship when performed incorrectly. So, talk it over, honestly with each partner, practice, practice, practice, and always listen – to yourself and to your partner. And, most of all have fun exploring this wonderful, erotic world of BDSM and Edgeplay!
