Chased Off of Mickey D’s

Today would be a good day to go running. That’s what most people would say about a day like this. Today would be a good day to go free running. That’s more like it. It’s such a beautiful day. Why not enjoy it while climbing buildings and jumping off stuff?

Shoelaces are tight. Walking out the front door. Run.

I’m running down Francisca Dr. Houses line up on both sides, each with one or two trees in the front yard. I’m running down the street. Look, there’s a fire hydrant up ahead. Run up to it. Flip. Keep running.

There’s the shortcut. It leads down to Estes Dr. from there, a sewer. An eight-feet tall concrete wall leads straight down on both sides of the sewer, with an eight-feet gap in between and a stream of water running along the concrete floor. Fences block off the sewer wall drops. I’m stepping across the stream along the bottom, then running up to the other side of the sewer wall and kicking off it, soaring up. Up.

I’m hopping over the fence and running towards Howdershell Rd. There’s McDonald’s on my left. You know, there’s that new storage unit on the side of the building that’s a little shorter than the main building. It may just be climbable…

I’m standing by the drive-thru and the storage unit, sizing my opponent. If I kick off right there, I should be able to grab on to the roof.

As soon as I realize it’s doable, I go for it.

I’m running in between two cars waiting in line and place my foot about waist high when I jump. I shoot up from kicking off the wall. I’m grabbing the roof of the storage unit and using my arms as leverage to pull throw myself up faster, then stepping on to the roof. At the order menu a mother is making sure to pronounce her orders clearly like everyone thinks they need to at drive-thrus. The child in her back seat is pointing up at me. The guy in the truck up front is just laughing softly to himself as he looks up at me.

I could run to the other side and jump off, but why be in such a hurry when the day has only begun? Besides, I’ve got quite the audience-I feel like dancing right now.

Elvis Presley, Macarena, the Robot, Michael Jackson, Egyptian… it went on for a couple of minutes, but I’m beginning to feel a bad aura. Wait, what if they know I’m up here?

It was enough to get me off. I run to the other side and jump off. Just as soon as I stand up, a fat, black lady comes running at me from the door and two skinny white boys come at me from behind the dumpster.

I guess it was enough for the employees to be angry at me. They’re just working to earn their keep and some pain-in-the-ass teen with red short, red shoes, a Cardinal’s shirt and Cardinal’s beanie decides to climb their building one day on their clock. They will forever hate children dressed in red.

I’m running right in between the fat lady and one of the guys, heading over to the fence at the top of the sewer. I jump down, and as I’m falling I see the fat lady still running towards me.

“I call the poh-lice on you! You can run, but they’ll getcha! I call the muh-fuckin poh-lice on you!”

“Run, Forest! Run,” the skinny kids shout to me, as if I’m Forest Gump.

“Woo!” I shout as I head back up to Francisca Dr.

In the background on the other side of the sewer, I hear the sirens fading in, coming closer.

Um… note to self: Don’t climb buildings with video cameras all over in broad daylight.